Nothing anyone thinks of me affects me more negatively than the way I can at times think of myself. When people I love say things that truly hurt it is because I believe them myself. I never admit that to people, but it is usually true.
Ever since I had a miscarriage my fear of not being able to get pregnant again crawls in especially during the few days of the month I can get pregnant. I never knew so much went into getting pregnant and having a good pregnancy. Sadly, I put so much pressure on getting pregnant that I ruin it. All the negative thoughts I have about myself and my fear of ever miscarrying again take over and I miss out on enjoying everything I have at this very moment.
Spent half my life being scared of getting pregnant and the second half, scared I won’t get pregnant. As a good friend of mine said recently: who knew we didn’t need condoms all those times haha.
Logically I know I am able to get pregnant and my daughter is proof that I can have healthy kids. So why do I do this to myself. Why do I let fear control my emotions. My brain is my worst enemy. I do have control over my thoughts but it takes a LOT of willpower to control my thoughts. Much more willpower than it took to run this morning.