I have spent hours upon hours feeling guilty about so many choices I have made regarding chronic pain. For years I spent guilty because in college I drank way too much to relieve the pain. I have felt guilt for the money spent on the amount of doctors appointments, surgeries, and programs I have gone through to try and relieve my chronic pain. Due to all of the medical bills I received I declared bankcrupcy because there was no way I would ever have the funds to pay for all the medical bills I had acrewed over the years. Declaring bancrupcy left me with a lot of guilt. I was filled with guilt when after doing amazing for many years managing my chronic pain without medicine, I stopped taking care of myself focusing too much about my career and making money leading me to start taking medicine again to manage my pain. I could write a book just explaining the amount of guilt I have felt over the years just surrounding chronic pain. I could write another book just explaining the guilt I feel as a woman, wife, and mother. I am sure many women can relate to feeling guilt even if they do not suffer from chronic pain.
One of my favorite authors, Louise Hay says in one of my meditations: “we are always doing the best we can.” I know that is true for me now. At this moment in time I am doing the very best I can as a wife, a mother, and a person with chronic pain. I still struggle with guilt regarding chronic pain and choices I have made in the past. Logically, I know that guilt can only destroy me and serves absolutely no purpose. Help me in the fight to stop feeling guilty for any decisions we make especially regarding chronic pain. We really are always doing the best we can. That much I know.