It was one of those mornings I woke up with a huge pit in my stomach. I’m not sure if I was having a bad dream or my fears were just really getting to me. I frequently have dreams of miscarriages especially lately. This past year on my birthday I had a miscarriage and although they are common and there is nothing I did wrong, it doesn’t make it any easier. This is my second miscarriage and this was almost as difficult as our first. It was different than our first because I did not need a D & C and I had Kayci but it sure as hell did not make me happy and just filled me with more fear that I may never have another child (my biggest fear!) or when I did get pregnant this could happen again.
Fear can literally paralyze a person causing them to literally be stuck to their thoughts. I despise those mornings I wake up in a panic, filled with fear. Even running did not help this morning. Once home from our run and food shopping I showered and as I came out of the shower I heard my husband and daughter laughing and playing and my day turned around. We ended up playing at the pool for hours and having an amazing time. Just proves once again, your day can change for the better at any moment.
I like this acronym for FEAR as it is very true. Most of my fears are so beyond false. I swore when I was in the Mayo Clinic I would never graduate college, which I did with great GPA. I swore I would never have a job that was worth while, ended up becoming a social worker. I swore I would never have a family once again FALSE! I’m married with a beautiful little girl.
I cannot always change my fears at the moment I am having them but I have to remind myself of all my former fears that paralyzed my heart and mind for nothing.