Happy Labor Day….a day when most Americans across the country get the day off. Unless….you are a mommy haha. I haven’t had a day off if nineteen months and that’s not a bad thing. I made choices for many years that were not in my best interest to make others happy and hopefully make them like me as I suffered from low self esteem (still do at times.) Maybe we all do. For years I did not listen to my intuition screaming the words “NOOOOO Do NOT DO IT!”
It has been a very difficult few days but it will get better (always does!) I had to make a decision this weekend that I knew was right but may have hurt someone in doing so. It is not a fun feeling. I have made so many bad choices in my life especially due to chronic pain and I never want to make bad choices again. I need to always listen to my gut and intuition. Being a mother with chronic pain is not only difficult for myself but for people who know me because they often do not understand why I have made the choices in my past (which were down right awful because I had terrible coping mechanisms to deal with my chronic pain.) Even though now I know I make the right decisions for myself and my health others may not understand my choices. Some people may never believe the person I have become.
I am only thirty two years old and have a lot of life to live and I have to keep moving forward and honestly try and not give a shit what other people think of me. MUCH easier said than done. If I know in my heart that I am making the right choices and my heart and mind are in the right place I have to feel good about myself.
Change takes a LONG time. I will hopefully continue to manage my chronic pain and anxiety in better ways each day. I hope to continue to grow and learn from my past and present mistakes. A lot of people will never understand me and I get that. I will continue to move forward with my goals and be the best person I can be. I have to do what is right for myself/ my health/ and my family. For once in my life I am finally listening to my inner wisdom. No matter what anyone thinks, that is a good thing.