This pretty much sums me up in a nutshell on some days (many days.) I think anyone with chronic pain understands this quote all too well. During the darkest hours of my chronic pain when I was close to giving up and no one had answers I had no happiness. Unless you count the nights out with friends when we were drinking away living the “college life.” I do not count this because I wasn’t happy at all. It was so much easier to pretend to be happy surrounded by people by age drunk off their asses.
Chronic pain has made it so that I am happy and sad at the same time. I never thought this to be possible but after reading this quote I know it is true. I am a very happy person, more so now than in many years but every day there is a hint of sadness that envelopes me. I am in constant pain and most of the time I am able to ignore it and my coping mechanisms work wonders but there are times when I am just so saddened by the pain. Some moments on some days it just feels impossible to be truly happy when every fiber of my being is doing everything right to manage the pain and yet I am unable to stop thinking about it.
I guess it is very possible to be happy and sad at the same time: especially with people with chronic pain. Even more so people with chronic pain who have learned to manage their pain naturally, without medicine or doctors. We know this is our life forever and sometimes that realization just plain sucks. What I do know is that when pain takes over me, I am able to ( 95 percent of the time I’ll say) snap out of it and do something to get out of my mind. Whether it be laughing with my family, going for a run, looking at my peaceful daughter sleeping in my arms, or as silly as it sounds making a juice. The simple things make me happy in life.
Life with chronic pain is a daily struggle and I know I can be happy and sad at the same time but for once in my life I can honestly say happiness usually wins. As my dad has said multiple times: “It is not how many times you fall down, but how many times you get back up.” I get back up a hell of a lot more quickly then I used to.