Falling Apart

I cannot tell you how easy it would be for me to call one of the many doctors I have seen over the years and make an appointment and get right back on my chronic pain medicine. It would be way too easy which is why I will NOT be calling any pain doctors. They would write be a prescription for pain in a hot second and I would have to start allllll over again. First I would have to wean myself off the medicine (because the medicine would work for awhile until I needed ten times more to get the same results) then I would be in a deep depression all while despising myself for taking my “easy way out.” Then I would have to start over with my healthy coping mechanisms. I cannot imagine having to go back to that. I put myself through hell 3 times by listening to certain doctors and specialists instead of listening to my inner wisdom.

It is scary how easy it is to fall apart. It takes moments. Even the tiniest parts of “falling apart” like crying so much that I wake up the next day with puffy eyes, pure exhaustion, and my pain ten times worse from my intense tears and lack of sleep. Sometimes people get started crying and it is difficult to stop (men love when women do this….kidding haha.) I have always been an emotional person which doesn’t always gel well with chronic pain.

The thought of making a doctor’s appointment for chronic pain never enters my head. THANK GOD! I have nightmares where I am back in the doctors office being told “just take this and if it doesn’t work we will try something else.” I never think about it other than in my nightmares though. I never want to have to start all over again. I want the rest of my dreams to come true. And, I want to continue to be a voice of strength and hope for anyone out there dealing with chronic pain. I cannot do that if I’m not practicing what I preach. In fact I wouldn’t have a blog. I want someone to one day look at me and say: “Because of you, I didn’t give up!”


Falling Apart


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