It is not always fun letting the world know all the mistakes I have made with my fight with chronic pain. I’m willing to be judged and have people who know me shocked etc. if I can help just one person not repeat my mistakes. I lived way too many years suffering from chronic pain and making terrible choices because I knew no better. At times I feel guilty for my choices. But I honestly did not know any better. I was obviously at my breaking point when at the age of 21 I got into my car and drove from Colorado to Minnesota with no idea what I was going to do once I arrived at the Mayo Clinic. Literally, NO CLUE! Best decision I have ever made but oh the mistakes I made along the way!
First mistake: Not asking enough questions to the doctors I saw. I saw over (no exaggeration) 100 plus doctors for my chronic pain searching for that cure. I listened to each one and as soon as I heard the word “cure” I immediately believed the doctor. Believing doctors to the point of undergoing surgeries in which my nerve endings were cut off in my face. Believing hypnotists that had me buy “miracle herbs” that were sure to cure my pain. I could write 5,000 plus words on all the doctors/specialists etc. I listened to without ONCE asking one single question.
I drank with my friends during college years plus thinking that they would think I was “normal” and loving that alcohol took away my chronic pain for the hours we were intoxicated. I was never an alcoholic (thank god) maybe by definition I was but then every one of my friends was an alcoholic as well. The difference was they were drinking to have fun and join in the college life and I was drinking to numb my physical pain and enjoy those hours of happiness. Which the next day only led me to more depression about my chronic pain. I can now have a glass of wine and enjoy it but it is never to numb my chronic pain. In fact I rarely, if ever drink and truly just don’t enjoy it anymore. I’m a mom who wakes up seven days a week usually before five am to exercise with a toddler. Hangovers just do not agree with me anymore.
I had so many opportunities to go the natural route with chronic pain but kept thinking there was a cure for me. I hated the doctor at the Mayo Clinic who was honest with me and said: “you can either to continue to look for a cure and try every new medication in the world or you can except that you have chronic pain and it may never go away but you can learn to live with it and truly be happy.” I do not hate this man anymore. This doctor was honest and I saw the look in his eyes as he told me that and he was sad. Without his honesty, I never would have entered the Mayo Clinics Pain Program to learn how to live with chronic pain and actually live…….happily.
Another big mistake I made was going back on pain medication. HUGE mistake. My inner wisdom knew that I would need more and more pain medicine to get the same result and yet I allowed that doctor (not his fault) to prescribe me a prescription I knew was not going to be a good thing for me. I wish I had been stronger and listened to my inner wisdom. I had the knowledge so I had no excuse. I don’t feel guilty about that anymore because it made me a stronger person. If I hadn’t made that awful decision I would not have started this blog, hopefully one day helping tons of people.
I will continue to share my past mistakes with you. I promised myself to be nothing less than 100 percent honest with my readers. I will also share my triumphs and you will be pretty certain that if I can do this, anyone can! There were people there for me at the lowest points in my life with chronic pain. It is my turn to be there for you!