Consuming My Life!!!!!

I spent over a decade talking about chronic pain constantly. Worse than talking about the pain was thinking about the pain. My bike accident (which resulted in brain surgery) was during my teenage years. I started seeking help for my chronic pain before I could drive. I searched for help with the chronic pain for many years after I it was even legal for me to drink alcohol. In some ways I feel I lost a decade of my life searching for a cure for my chronic pain. In the beginning of my search I had so much hope that I would be fixed like a flat tire on my car. Thirty doctors later, couple surgeries later my hope started to diminish. If I was not thinking about my pain, I was searching for cures, or venting/crying about it every hour of every day. It consumed my mind and in turn my body.

People often ask me why I never talk about my chronic pain and this quote pretty much sums up why I no longer will ever talk about my chronic pain. I have tried for years to train my brain to not think about my chronic pain because thoughts become reality and the pain may be there but that does not mean I have to focus on it 24/7. This is also why I will never go to another doctor or chiropractor or any kind of healer for chronic pain. My chronic pain got better once I stopped searching for help and stopped talking about it and learned how to distract myself from the pain. It may seem odd to people that I am able to write about it here but I am able to write about it and leave it here on this computer. I also have the strongest passion to help people out there struggling with an invisible illness. I do believe it is my calling in this world. When I receive a message or an email from someone saying that I helped them get through their day or call me inspirational it drives me even harder to do whatever I can to show people that happiness can exist in the midst of chronic pain.

Last night I was reading in bed after my daughter had fallen asleep and I could not stop thinking about my chronic pain and was even utilizing my pain behaviors. I was rubbing my face and head so much that it was consuming me. It was frustrating and annoying but I knew today I would wake up and everything would be okay and I would have a happy Sunday. I was very happy to fall asleep. Instead of getting myself depressed and tearful about my pain last night I started thinking about how great today was going to be. So yes, my thoughts were trying relentlessly to focus on the pain I was in and I kept fighting back with good thoughts. I woke up this morning and all was well with the world.

Chronic pain consumed my brain for so many years that it did control my life. I still have moments and days where I have to force myself to not think about the pain. Our mind and thoughts have so much power, its overwhelming. Our brains are also capable of thinking good thoughts. It takes strength and tons of courage but if we only focused on good thoughts think about how amazing our lives would be!


Consuming My Life!!!!!


2 thoughts on “Consuming My Life!!!!!

  1. Lisa Cooper says:

    Do your pain levels go up and down?

    After the first couple of months of frantically trying to stop his chronic headaches, my son pretty much learned to accept them and trusted me to do the research and make the doctor appointments. Aside from letting me know when his headaches come and go so I can track them to see if anything is helping, or when he needs to rest in the nurse’s office at school, he doesn’t talk about the headaches. Its taken me a lot longer to give up letting the search for a cure consume me. Its not been quite a year, so I do still have some hope something will help (even if only to cope with the pain better), but I try to forget about it most of the time.

    • Hey Lisa
      Sorry just getting back to you. Yes, my chronic pain now goes up and down. I used to use a pain scale as I was learning how to cope with cp naturally just to know how I was doing etc. I work hard not to focus on the pain but levels do go up and down. If I am really stressed out or upset about something or I over do exercising or anything I notice it is worse. Your son is a strong kid huh? You seem like an amazing mom! I give you so much credit. Being a caregiver esp parent to someone with chronic pain is extremely difficult and you really are doing everything right. Your son is very lucky to have you!

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