Everything will be okay in the end, if it is not okay….it is not the end. Hate to break it to everyone but if you just keep on keeping on things will turn out okay. I never thought this could be true when I was recovering from brain surgery or diagnosed with chronic pain. I never thought happiness would ever be a real part of my life. My life is not easy. I have to live a certain way that people without chronic pain do not have to. I have to think and plan my days in ways people without chronic pain do not have to. I do not know where my strength comes from at times. I do not know how I pick myself up when I have spent an hour crying by myself while my daughter sleeps. But I do. Sometimes I think my daughter is the reason I work so hard at managing my chronic pain naturally. And, without her I would say: screw it. I’m just going to take the doctors pain prescription and live my life taking pills. But, that is not true. I decided a long way before I was married and with a child that that was not the way I wanted to live my life. I made that choice for me and not for anyone else. I was tired of being depressed. I was tired of going to doctor appointments. I was tired of each specialist I saw having a new diagnosis for me and a new treatment that was “guaranteed to work.” I was tired of wasting days I could have been spending exercising, reading, and practicing mindfulness just to sit in yet another doctors office with my head in my hands in frustration holding back tears that I thought would burst out any second (which usually they did.) I was tired of talking about pain. I was just tired of life.
I posted a picture of me from this weekend after I had spent hours crying and not doing well. I did this so that people could see that I do have bad days and have hours and once in a blue moon days where I think my life totally sucks because of pain. That picture was taken Saturday. Today is Tuesday. I have been smiling since Sunday afternoon. A couple of years ago the minor stressors I am facing right now would send me over the edge and my chronic pain would be off the charts. My car is having issues and dealing with car dealerships is just no fun plus worrying about money is never fun. I will be without a car for possibly a week and for some reason I am perfectly okay with that. So what? I won’t have a car. I have legs and a great stroller and tons of places to take my daughter to within walking distance. Most human beings do not even own a car. How quickly we are to forget how lucky we are to have the luxuries we do possess.
People with chronic pain are much more easily stressed when something bad goes wrong. For instance, the fact that my ankle is sore makes it difficult to run right now which is something that helps my chronic pain a great deal but I have found ways around it to still get some cardio in. Sure it takes me a lot longer with my one year old screaming for attention the entire time the work out dvd is on but I make sure to do it. A lot of things people without chronic pain take for granted but that is not their fault. You can not understand something unless you have been though it or are dealing with it yourself.
This quote is going on my “Inspiration Station” poster board I keep in my bedroom. I made it the day I had my second miscarriage. “I hate to spoil the ending. But, everything is going to be ok.” And it will.