This quote jumped out at me and hit me hard. How much time do you spend thinking about the faults of the people around you, be it your spouse, your sibling, your mother or father or friend. I know I can ruminate about the “faults” of the people I love. Anger affects chronic pain in so many ways. Here are some of the things that can fuel my anger: Wanting to be right, fairness, wanting to be appreciated, and needing to get my point across until the person I am angry with fully understands why I am angry.
The trigger of my anger leads to thoughts and beliefs (some true/some not) which leads to a negative emotion and at times a negative behavior. Within moments my shoulders are risen my tension is high, my heart is pounding, and my breathing is heavy and I physically anxious. All things that make my chronic pain worse. Then the tears come which at times are useful but not when angry. Anger takes m y pain level from a four to a ten in a matter of minutes. Is it worth it? The easy answer is no. So, what do we do? Just never get angry. Good luck with that. It is how we manage our anger that truly counts and what we allow to anger us.
We as people with or without chronic pain need to really stop and take ten deep belly breaths before reacting. Once we react to what we are angry about it has very difficult to go back. Is what we are angry with worth it? Is it better to be right or happy? Most arguments occur between married couples and that makes perfect sense. This is the person you live with, share bills with, sleep next to, and spend much of your time with. Our spouse is also the person we take most of our anger out on. Does not make it right but it is true. I spent way too much time thinking of the fault of others instead of letting things go and just be. I also spend much time focusing on reasons I should be angry with myself. I can be quite the perfectionist. If I spent more time focusing on all the good in the people I love instead of what I am angry about my stress level and in turn my chronic pain level would decrease.
So again, do we want to be right or do we want to be happy and peaceful?