Keep on Going

This am was one of those mornings where I woke up with a pit in my stomach that something was wrong. This happens to me often (the main reason I work out as soon as I get something in my stomach.) Per usual, I had a million and one worries: some logical, some just plain ridiculous. I snapped out of it quickly. My daughter was in a fantastic mood and had me in tears of laughter as she marched into the den with two binkies in her mouth, beyond proud that she figured out how to do such a thing. I literally thought to myself: I am going to use my inner child today and just be silly and laugh and screw all the worries I have and just take a cue from my little girl who is laughing hysterically at six am because two binkies are in her mouth.

We went for our jog, stopped for coffee and skipped home. I blasted music in the bathroom as I showered and we both danced (her in her exersaucer….basically a seat outside the shower so she can’t go anywhere.) On our way to buy groceries and stop at our produce store I was pulled over but not one but three police officers. I was shaking because I had no clue what was going on. I looked down seatbelt was on, wasn’t texting or speeding. I was very confused. The young police officer had be pull into a vacant lot and asked me if I knew I why I was being pulled over. I wanted to jokingly use the line from Liar Liar (Jim Carrey) and say: “depends on how long you have been following me sir” but he did not look like the type to joke with. I honestly had zero clue as to why I was being pulled over….especially by three police cars. Long story short, my car is still registered under my grandmother’s name who passed away a year ago. The one officer was under the impression that my one year old daughter and I had stolen the vehicle. Ended up with fifty four dollar ticket, and a clear as hell reminder to get my car into my name. However, during the experience my little girl was balling and I was shaking and it was just awful. A couple years ago this would have made me a hot mess and completely ruined my day. Not today, not on my inner child happy day with my peanut. I calmed her down and we got our grocery shopping down. Calming myself down took awhile but seeing your daughter upset snaps you out of it quickly. At the grocery store I could actually feel my chronic pain increasing as my anxiety increased. I even went into their bathroom took deep breaths and threw water on my face. We came home and ended up walking to the playground and library an hour later.

No matter what happens in my life today I have to keep on going. I have my family to take care of and I have to take care of myself as well. I have to work hard to keep my chronic pain under control and have to really try and let small things like this go. Yea, it sucked! In the end I was grateful to have my dad be there for me. He lives in the apartment above our house and even at thirty two it is reassuring to talk to him about things. I left for the park with gratitude in my heart to have such an amazing dad. Ya have to try and find the good that comes from shitty events and situations. I was proud of myself for being able to put Kayci first and not let my emotions get the best of me and I was grateful to have my dad. Two pretty awesome things!

It is funny when I awoke this morning none of my worries included being pulled over by three cop cars on my way to the food store. Just goes to show you, worrying truly is so ridiculous.


Keep on Going


2 thoughts on “Keep on Going

  1. What an awesome and inspiring post. I just found your post through tavia and I am so glad I did. I am Bi-Polar with trmedious pain from past injuries so I know what you mean mind over matter. You are a real inspiration to others. Thank you For sharing.

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