It has taken me over a decade to be back to the Jessica I once was prior to brain surgery and chronic pain. I was with one of my closest friends when this picture was taken just a few days ago. She did not know me when I had brain surgery, nor did she know me during my darkest hours of chronic pain. She did not know I even had chronic pain but we became close enough friends over two years that she knew there was something more to me than just depression and anxiety. I remember one day getting angry with her via text (texting is sometimes the worst way to talk) I was angry at myself and taking it out on her. I was so beyond depressed due to my chronic pain and once again looking for the non existent cure to chronic pain that I was a mess. She very sweetly texted me that I should talk to my doctor about changing my medicine for depression. She didn’t know I was going to doctors regarding chronic pain because she didn’t know about my chronic pain. Her text came from a good place but I was sooooo angry with myself for going back to medicine for chronic pain and looking to endless amounts of doctors for help with my pain that I took my anger out on her.
I did not know this person has been following my blog. It made me realize even more what a great friend she is. You know who you are, obviously. She is amazing. She reads my blog and obviously knows now the depths of my chronic pain and what I have been through but also knows I do not want to talk about it. She never brings it up and she is the closest friend I have in New Jersey. I was scared at first to start writing this blog because I knew I was going to be brutally honest and there are things in my past I am not proud of and I have had a very difficult journey with my chronic pain. Our friendship has only gotten stronger. She also knows she can tell me anything and I will never judge her (as I do not judge anyone…. I am in no place to judge anyone in this world!) and she knows I will always be there for her because I truly do love her and her family.
It is an amazing feeling to be off any medications for pain and be able to be silly and have fun on the monkey bars with one of my best friends and our children.