Most mornings when I wake up my first thought is negative and usually something negative about myself. Years ago I would lie there for what seemed like hours thinking about everything I hated about myself and my life, biggest being chronic pain. One would think that now that I am managing chronic pain naturally and well I should be beyond proud of myself. So, why do I spend so much time thinking about the negative things in my life and worse thinking negatively about myself. I will be honest: I do not always believe in myself. I know what people would say: You took yourself off all pain medications because you wanted to manage pain naturally and did it on your own! You can do anything!
I agree with this to a point. The biggest thing I need to work on for myself is believing in myself more. I am so hard on myself: people have no idea what I put myself through mentally. My poor inner child!
For example each month my period comes I think : something has to be wrong with me or why am I not pregnant? Instead of being that bird sitting on the tree not fearing the branch breaking because he trusts his own wings. I need to trust that everything is going to work out and my life is going to be what it is. There is only so much I can do and I must leave the rest up to my faith. I do not know what I believe in but I know that there are many things not in my control. My dad always says: “Do not worry about the things you cannot control.” I need to repeat his wisdom to myself more often. I also know that there is a force higher than me guiding me and that everything will work out just as it is supposed to. I believe the first step to healing myself (not in the chronic pain sense) is to start believing in myself.