Happy Saturday Everyone! I find myself today worrying a lot especially now that I do not have many distractions. Note to self: stay away from large (venti) Americanos from Starbucks. All that caffeine did not help my anxiety! I could write a book on every worry I have at this very moment and bore people to tears so I will not go into my anxieties because most of them are just plain ridiculous. I love this quote because I waste so much of my mental energy worrying when I could turn most of my worries around into believing everything will work out. Because, as I have written probably too many times everything always does work out.
I’m a very odd person as people who know me well will attest too. Mornings that I wake up with a smile on my face and am excited for the day I automatically start almost trying to find something to worry about. Almost as if I am not good enough or allowed to just be happy. It is something that is very hard for me to explain. We can all find things to worry about. I can’t name one person I know that does not have concerns, problems, or worries. But for me to be so programmed at waking up with worries that even on days when I wake up happy I look for worries just shows how deeply rooted some of my anxieties are. Maybe deep down I feel I do not deserve to be happy? Maybe I spent more than half my life overcoming brain surgery and living with chronic pain that all I know is waking up nervous? Or, it could go back to the age of five when my worries and anxieties truly began. I know this because my dad even took me to the doctor at a very young age because I had such horrible sleeping issues. I could not fall asleep because I was always scared. Or maybe I overthink everything and need to work on simplifying things. Whatever the case may be I am tired of worrying so much. It eats away at me to the point where I just want those running shoes on my feet….that music blaring in my ears and only the road ahead of me to get out of my thoughts. But, unfortunately I am human and Forrest Gump is a made up character and I cannot run non stop.
I am going to try practicing using my energy to believe instead of using my energy to worry. I know this will be easier said then done. So anyone with anxiety, join me! As I fall asleep tonight or when I wake up tomorrow and I start worrying about things I cannot control or even things I can I am going to begin re-training my brain to just let go and believe. It takes the same amount of energy. I would rather use that energy to work on changing how I see things in a positive way then use that energy worrying. I swear I am the definition of insanity. Logically I know everything is always okay. Worrying never changes the outcome. And yet I continue to worry and worry expecting a different result. I am going to start trying to believe. Got nothing to lose!