Did you ever have a night that no matter what you did you could not fall asleep. Insomnia can be the worst especially for people with chronic pain or anxiety. My daughter fell asleep before six pm and I started my bedtime routine around seven thirty. I tried reading, played words with friends on my phone, and even drank milk to help me fall asleep but my mind and heart would not stop racing. I’m laying off the Starbucks for a long time! As I have written in a previous post regarding sleep and chronic pain, I do not sleep with a clock next to me as I am the type of person who will continue to look at the clock and count down how many hours I have left to sleep. However, I did see I the bathroom that it was past eleven pm and I was no where close to being tired. Horrible couple hours. The one thing I should have done was write down all my worries but as crazy as this sounds I was too tired to do so too amped up to think straight. Yes, a person can be exhausted and wide awake at the same time. It is a very crappy feeling. I finally past off to dream world and my one year old woke me up before six am. I did not want to move but she had a great night sleep and was rearing to go! She kept saying; “doggie/mommy/doggie/mommy.” This means I want Mommy to take me outside for a walk/run and see the world. She is very used to our morning routine. After about ten minutes of battling with her I sucked it up and got the running stroller outside and strapped on my running shoes.
This is obviously not my most flattering picture but I am trying to keep this blog as real and honest as possible. We ran about four miles and this was the end of the run before our stop at Wa Wa for coffee and “magic water.” Motherhood does not stop! Yes, I wanted to stay in bed cuddled up in blankets and keep my eyes shut but that was not a possibility. I wanted to just cry but decided to fake it till I could make it. So we ran. The music helped me, the wind helped me and just being outside helped. It is about ten am right now and I am exhausted, anxious and not the happiest girl in the world. However, as un-flattering as this picture is, I am actually feeling good inside. Sometimes you need to act the way you want to feel. That is what I am going to do for the rest of the day. I’m going to laugh instead of crying and fake it till I make it. It truly does work.