Much of the suffering we face is caused by other people. Yes, I agree that in theory we either allow someone to cause us to suffer or we do not. It is up to us. However, this is much easier said than done. Most of my friends and family members when upset explain that it is because someone hurt them. Whether that be their spouse, a friend, or a co-worker. The worst emotional pain felt is caused from someone we love. Personally, if I do not care or love someone they truly do not have the ability to hurt me. If I love someone or even care for someone I love and care hard. So hard that it, at times can be my greatest enemy. I love so hard that I am easily hurt. This has been true my whole life and I do not want to change how hard I love or how hard I care: although it causes me pain at times it is who I am and it is not something I want to change about myself.
What I and everyone needs to remember is that when another person causes you pain, either by saying something awful or putting you down it is truly because he or she is suffering a great deal. I have never been outwardly mean to another person unless I am hurting deeply inside. When I am feeling great and doing well I only spread joy and love. However when I, in the past have been in the depths of chronic pain and depression I have been downright awful to people because I was so miserable with myself. It never had to do with anyone else but how I felt about myself. As difficult as it is to let things go and not take them personally when someone is hurtful to you, you must try. This is something I am working hard on in my daily life and it is no easy task.
I will not change how hard I love and care for people. However, I can change how I allow someone to make me feel. Especially, if I keep in mind that if someone is hurtful to me it is because he or she is in a lot of pain.