One in four women have a miscarriage….its common, so why make a big deal about it? Because just because it is a high statistic does not make a person’s miscarriage easy. Coming from a woman who has had brain surgery and lived with chronic pain since, I can honestly say my miscarriage was one of the most difficult things I have faced. Nothing will ever compare to brain surgery or chronic pain but only a woman who has had a miscarriage can understand the pain and loss that is felt.
I was pregnant in January, 2011. I was about seven weeks pregnant when the doctor wanted to do an ultrasound. I will never forget sitting in that chair for at least fifteen minutes while the radiologist said nothing. I knew something was wrong. I asked her: “What do you see??” She told me I would have to wait to talk to the doctor. Twenty minutes later I was told there was no fetus in the sac. I was not going to have the baby I so longed for. I had a D&C February 2nd, 2011. It was such an awful day, there is nothing that could have made me smile. Especially the stuffed bear I was given in memory of the son I had lost. The doctor who performed my D&C said to me following the procedure: “The next time I see you will be for a good reason.” I ignored her and just laid with my tears on silence. I went into a pretty bad depression following this and I never thought I would be okay again.
Months passed and I got better emotionally. I went back to eating healthy, exercising, and practicing yoga and meditation. About six months later I was sitting in my regular yoga class and the instructor (whom I am very close to me) said: “How are you feeling Jessica?” Out of no where I said: “Pregnant. I have to go.” I had no symptoms of pregnancy and my periods were irregular so I have no idea how I knew. I drove straight to the local drug store and bought a pregnancy test. Two lines: pregnant. I spent the entire pregnancy in fear that something would go wrong. I was scared every second of every day. To say I did not enjoy my pregnancy is an understatement. My daughter, Kayci was born February 2nd, 2012. One year to the day we lost our son. The same doctor who performed my D&C delivered my daughter.
If I had not miscarried February 2nd, 2011, my daughter would never have been here. I never truly believed everything happens for a reason until this happened. My daughter now plays with the stuffed animal I was given in memory of the son I lost. My husband once said: “Her older brother was looking out for her.” Who knows, but it is something to think about.
I have miscarried since Kayci was born. June 7th, 2013: my 32nd birthday. I was devastated. However, I could not lay around crying all day and asking God: why?? I have a daughter to take care of. I will be honest, this miscarriage was easier. It made me cherish my daughter even more that’s for sure. Having go through what I went through in February, 2011 and then giving birth one year later to the date gives me much hope that everything does happen for a reason. Who knows when I will have my second child but I will.
Yes, one in four women have a miscarriage. Yes, they are common. Yes, we grow stronger. Yes, things happen for a reason. However, there is a lot of tragedy that happens that is common. It does not make it any easier. Take today to give someone a hug that you know who has miscarried. I met a woman in the park today that has had four miscarriages. Not only that but she was pregnant with twins and one survived and one did not. I gave this stranger a hug and told her my story. She thanked me and smiled as she ran after her little toddler. Most of us know at least one person who has miscarried, today is the day to reach out to her. I don’t care if it is common or not, it is beyond painful.