Easier said then done!!! Everything I have ever really sat down and planned for my life has not happened. Here was my plan I had in my mind since I was a young girl. I wanted to be a first grade teacher and a wife and mother of two kids. I worked on this plan as I fought my battle with chronic pain. Chronic pain completely changed the direction of my life. I went to a college in New Jersey for two years to be a teacher. I was doing well in my education but was depressed and spending most days at a doctor’s appointment searching for my chronic pain cure. I looked happy on the outside but I was miserable. It got to a point where I literally drove to Colorado in search for a better life. I was running from my chronic pain. Chronic pain followed with a vengeance. Plot twist!! I was at that moment a college drop out with absolutely no clue what I was going to do. I spent a year in Colorado as a part time nanny not going to school and partying my ass off. To say it wasn’t a good time would not be true. I spent some weekends driving to Las Vegas just for the hell of it. But was I happy, no. I was just trying to find any way to escape the pain I felt.
As things got worse and the pain got worse and I could not find help in Colorado my boyfriend (at the time) and I drove to Rochester, MN for the Mayo Clinic. Plot Twist! I went there because they were the best and I thought if they cannot help me no one can. I spent many weeks there seeing many doctors which led me to the Pain Rehab Center. Major plot twist! This was not what I had in mind when I drove all the way to Minnesota. I did not want to learn how to live with my chronic pain; I wanted my chronic pain to go away! This was the best plot twist to ever happen to me. Because of all the help I received there from doctors, nurses, social workers etc. I decided to change my college major to social work and in a way start over. Plot twist! Two years I worked on becoming a teacher and now I decided to become a social worker. Less pay, not the best health insurance, and a ton of work! However, I helped a lot of people in my years of being a medical social worker and would not take those years back for anything. I know I changed people’s lives but unfortunately it became so demanding and my case load got so high that I was no longer really helping people. I was helping a company. I kept at it but I slowly became more depressed because I wasn’t only not helping my patients I had stopped taking care of myself. Chronic pain took over and I was unfortunately a very sad person again. A few months later I met my future husband at a time that I truly wanted to be single. Plot Twist! The moment I saw my husband I knew I was screwed. I don’t know if it was love at first sight but I knew I could not just see him once. I was not planning on finding a boyfriend at that time, I even told our mutual friend that. That was about four years ago and we are still together.
A couple years after meeting my husband we had a miscarriage. Plot Twist! I thought my life was going to end when I had that D&C. My earth shattered that day. One year later we gave birth to our baby girl who is the love of my life. She was a surprise and the best plot twist! I know it sounds awful but I can’t imagine not having Kayci in my life so I do believe as terrible as that miscarriage was I wouldn’t have it any other way.
The Plot Twists that have happened in my life have, for the most part been awesome. No I did not become a teacher as planned. I did not find that cure to chronic pain. I have had two miscarriages. I met the man I would later marry at a time that I wanted to be single. So I think I just have to stop planning my life. I’m on some kind of path that I have some control over but it also has a mind of its own. Every time I thought my life was going to fall apart something was leading me to something better. I do not know what is in my future. But I’m happy today. I love my husband and my daughter. I know there are going to be many more plot twists in my future and I am sure at the time I will feel as if it is the end of the world but hopefully I will have the strength and courage to say: “Plot Twist” and move on.