“How you vibrate is what the universe echoes back to you in every moment.” So today in my world of chronic pain is what I call a “difficult day.” People often see me running, doing yoga, dancing with my daughter at the kids concert and probably would never believe that I have chronic pain or that I am having a difficult day. At this time in my life I never say to anyone: “I am in so much freaking pain right now!” The word pain only comes out of my mouth if it is something acute that has nothing to do with my chronic pain. For example, a couple weeks ago I was genius enough to rush around so much that I got my finger stuck in the blades of my juicer. Yes, it hurt. It was painful but had nothing to do with my chronic pain so I felt fine saying it hurt. I do not feel pain as others do, most likely because I have had brain surgery and literally live in pain every day. I did not shed one tear as my finger bled for two hours and was laughing about it within three hours. Acute pain is so much easier to deal with then anything chronic.
I woke up this morning in a cranky mood. I am on the road to recovery (sinus infection) but still at the end of it and my daughter still isn’t 100 percent. She woke me up around five and I was determined to do a work out no matter what as that is part of my chronic pain program. I got her toys all together and threw in my Bob Harper yoga workout. Within two minutes of doing faced paced yoga, my one year old was crying and running to the fridge begging for appums aka apples. Pause the dvd, peel an apple, and back to working out until ten minutes later when she began to throw her toy cars in the toilet. You get the idea. I did get through the entire dvd but was so annoyed during the entire workout that it did more harm then good. Instead of enjoying the workout and getting my heart rate up and blocking everything out, I was fighting my daughter and cursing under my breath that I wish some days my husband would watch her at five am so I could exercise. But we made an agreement early in our daughter’s life that I would do mornings always because I am a morning person and he is the polar opposite. The dvd took about two hours and I was feeling the difficult day coming on. I had been vibrating negative thoughts and words out loud for two hours straight. What did I think was going to happen?? Every Tuesday there is a coffee shop near our home that does a baby/toddler concert that my daughter loves! It is a LOT to take for any mother but I do it for her because she plays with other kids, dances, and I do love seeing her happy. And when I am feeling great, I enjoy it too. My intuition told me very clearly: Do Not Go!!! Today is not the day!!!! I did not listen because I wanted her to be happy. So I then rushed like a maniac: making breakfast, juicing, cleaning, laundry, and showering so we would make it there on time. All the while, continuing to send negative energy to the universe. Not only was I vibrating negativity to the universe but to my daughter as well, and trust me kids feel everything!
Kayci enjoyed the concert but not like she usually does because I wasn’t myself and it was clear that something was wrong with me. I would never tell someone: “Oh I am in pain right now, sorry.” That goes against what has finally helped me manage my pain. Not focus on it, not talk about it. We left and I was even sending off negative vibes on the car ride home as my difficult day got worse. I was cursing myself for not listening to my intuition.
We arrived home and my first thought was to fold the laundry and clean the kitchen and make a nice lunch. I looked at my daughter and thought: I have to somehow turn this day around and that means slowing down. At any point in the day, we all have the ability to say this is not how my day is going to be. She fell asleep for an hour and as much as I wanted to finish the chores around the house I did a meditation called yoga nidra that put me in a deep meditation. First positive thing I did for myself today. After I came out of the meditation I though about this quote and as soon as my daughter woke up we were both laughing and smiling. It was almost like she was thinking: “Yay, Mommy is happy!” Has my pain changed, no but my attitude has and the yoga nidra did help.
The lesson of vibration and moderation are two things I will continue to learn and re-learn. I have not conquered my chronic pain by any means and still have “difficult days.” However, I am grateful to utilize the knowledge and not berate myself for my attitude this morning. Just going to go finish the soup I am making, play with my daughter and slow down. I read a quote once that said: “I never realized how much more I was able to get done, until I slowed down!” So this isn’t just for people with chronic pain. I made a positive intention when I began my meditation and it is already coming to fruition.