I would not wish chronic pain or any invisible illness on anyone. Anyone with chronic pain knows the stress, the emotional drain, and loss of living that comes with chronic pain. I lost so many years of my life battling this invisible illness, years and life that I will never get back. I try and not focus on all the negative things chronic pain has given me but he positive ones. Having gone through brain surgery and living a life of chronic pain has given me strength that at times is hard for people to see. Because of my tendency to cry, people may mistake me as weak. I disagree and stand by that through and through. Chronic pain is a demon I must live with every day of my life. Since going off any medication for chronic pain and thus living with it naturally I feel stronger than I have in a long time. If I can live a life with chronic pain following brain surgery with no medication or treatment and be successful, nothing can bring me down long term.
I had a difficult weekend and things happened that were out of my control and I will be honest I spent a good portion of the weekend in tears. Someone on the outside looking in seeing me curled up in a ball crying would think I am weak but that is not the case. Every time a person or situation knocks me down I fall, cry, but end up getting up stronger than I was the day before. I never believed the saying: What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger until I found my way of living with chronic pain. How can any person or event hurt me more than what I have already been through and live with on a daily basis?
I look back at times when I was not managing chronic pain well and I allowed people to treat me in ways that now shock me. I was so depressed and unhappy with myself that I honestly believed I deserved to be punished. I did not love myself. Whether you have chronic pain or not try your hardest to never let another person bring you down. You have no control over how another person acts or treats you. The only thing you have control over is how you react to that person. It has taken me thirty two years to learn that I truly have zero control over anyone’s actions but my own. In a way that is a very freeing feeling. I have put so much stress on myself for so many years trying to control how another person acted or treated me, its shocking I did not fall completely apart. I may not always practice it now but at least I have the knowledge that I have zero control over anyone but myself. I have to take a deep breath and let it go. As difficult as this past weekend was for me I was able to handle situations a lot better than I would have a couple years ago. Years ago if anyone hurt me I would go out with friends drinking or hell, just drink alone to numb my pain. I would never act out like that again. I am too clear headed and strong to hurt myself and ruin my progress because someone else has hurt me.
If someone in your life is strong enough to bring you down, show YOURSELF you are strong enough to get up.