Juggling Chronic Pain and Motherhood

Motherhood and chronic pain have something very unique in common: neither ever stop. Because I have made a choice to manage my chronic pain naturally I must try to follow a routine that entails: exercise, eating well, sleeping well, meditation, moderation of activities, etc. Anyone who is a parent knows all too well that it is very hard to stick to a certain routine all the time. After coming through a very difficult weekend my family was struck with very sad news last night. My brother in-law’s dog passed away. Once the news reached us there was no way I was going to be able to fall asleep. I love my brother in-law like a brother and to know the pain he was in literally made my heart hurt. A lot of people would say: “It is just a dog!” However, anyone who has ever owned or loved a dog knows they are like children. My brother in-laws dog was his baby and her death was very unexpected. Because of the horrible weekend I had and this awful news we received last night I lost many hours of sleep. Last night I slept about four hour hours, if that. My daughter woke up at four am as she is confused by this day light savings deal. Finally today, the lack of sleep and crying really hit me and I have had a very difficult day both with chronic pain and anxiety. Was I able to follow my “normal” routine of how I manage my pain: no. I have no idea how I had the energy to practice yoga with my one year old this morning but I did. Around six am I just began crying and I could not stop. The exhaustion had finally hit me and I was not crying about any one thing but the gamut of things that have struck me the past four days.

My daughter has her first sinus infection and the antibiotics are helping her but she is having side affects that are causing her pain. This is a picture of me at about nine am this morning driving to try and help my daughter sleep. Yes, she needed sleep but I did as well and was willing to do just about anything. She finally fell asleep and was totally knocked out and just as I was opening the door to our house my neighbor let her two dogs outside. My daughter got so excited at their barking that there was no way she was going to stay asleep. To say I was angry is an understatement: not at my daughter or my neighbor but the situation in general. To be blunt: today has sucked on multiple levels. There is nothing I have faced in my life that is more difficult than chronic pain, but motherhood even without chronic pain can be quite difficult as well.

My dream since I was probably about five years old was to be a mother. It was always my calling. The main reason I decided to give up medication and my search for a cure for chronic pain was to be able to one day fulfill my dream of being a mom and I would not trade that for all the money in the world. The good news is that most days being a mother is the greatest distraction from chronic pain. Days like today juggling chronic pain and motherhood are extremely difficult but as I have written before: a bad day does not make a bad life. If the juggling act of chronic pain and motherhood was something I could not bear I would not want to have more children. Chronic pain will not take away my dreams and the happiness my daughter brings me. Does motherhood make chronic pain more difficult to deal with at times, yes but I would not change being a mother for anything. I will not let my struggle become my identity. Chronic pain is not who I am, it is a part of me but it is not me as a whole.

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Juggling Chronic Pain and Motherhood

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6 thoughts on “Juggling Chronic Pain and Motherhood

  1. I admire you so much. I wish I could say that chronic pain wasn’t my identity but I feel like it has been for many years. I like that you mentioned your routine, have you written a post about it? I feel more than ever that the only way out of this miserable life I’m living is to adopt those things you talked about: exercise, sleep, diet, etc. I know it wouldn’t hurt to do this and hopefully it could help me, just like its helped you, to deal with this pain and anxiety, the depression the pain causes me….it’s such a daunting thing to do. I don’t know where to begin but I’d love to see your ideal schedule to follow if you could help me! Any advice is appreciated, I just need better details if that makes sense. I’ve been told things like exercise, etc. but I suffer from OCD as well and I crave a schedule and structure. I would love to see what your ideal schedule for things is and what kind of diet you follow as well. By the way, you don’t look super happy in your picture but you’re soooo pretty! I understand why you don’t look thrilled though, you had a really rough day it seems. I hope your brother in law is okay too, my heart breaks to hear someone lost their pet, not to old age but to something sudden and unexpected. I hope you get the rest you need too, that your daughter feels better fast, and that tomorrow is a better day! Thanks so much!

    • Thank you! Your feedback is wonderful and needed for me to continue to reach out and help people. I have not written a post on my routine but thanks to you that will be my post today. It will take a couple of posts to truly explain how and what I do to manage my pain and my detailed routine. Pain does become someone’s identity. Chronic pain was my identity for more years than I can count to be honest. You are stronger than you think, trust me. You are very kind and your words mean a lot to me. Pls continue to write me and ask questions. It helps me know what people need from me. My daughter is better! The three of us were asleep before eight pm last night and I am helping my brother in law get through this. I will leave you with this quote: Sometimes the fear of pain is worse than the pain itself. If that makes any sense. I am going to write a post on my schedule now. xoxoxo

      • That quote definitely is right. I have said something similar, even when managing the pain I experience, I am in constant fear of what’s to come. Most times, I’m always thinking about when I will be out of the tramadol my mother gives to me, without it things are so much worse! I’m so glad you are going to share your routine and thoughts. I have a hard time with someone telling me to do yoga….it’s overwhelming. But if someone were to say something like, “Between 9-10 am do this sort of yoga, etc.”……I could wrap my head around it more. If that even makes sense?! My OCD and rigid ways sorta make me this type a monster. But yeah, I’m so happy to help in anyway, that’s what this is all about with the blogging community. I’m pretty new to this stuff but I’m glad I decided to do it, there have been so many people I’ve found that I relate to, etc. I don’t feel alone anymore. Thanks again and glad that you got the rest you needed! Good to hear about your daughter and brother in law too, they’re lucky to have you!

      • I haven’t got to read it but will very soon! Sorta had a rough afternoon and evening and am just now looking at things! Can’t wait to read it and I will give feedback I’m sure!

  2. Tamar says:

    I find your posts very inspiring too. I read each one with a lot of interest. I feel for you being a mother of a young child at the same time as being in chronic pain. I found it very hard, but fantastic too of course, being a mother of a 1 year old. ( and 2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 year old!) he finally grew out of his huge neediness at about 9 years old. My son is now a very easy 14 year old! (I think he’s probably a typical 14 year old- moans, surly, grumpy, but loving, but because he was hard work as a youngster, I see teenager hood as easier). I wasn’t in chronic pain when he was young, well not as bad anyway. So I can’t imagine being able to deal with both motherhood of a young child and chronic pain at the same time! Do you get support from online forums such as health unlocked pain concern?

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