“I over analyze situations because I’m scared of what will happen if I’m not prepared for it.” Obviously my readers know that my main issue throughout my life has been chronic pain but I have suffered from some sort of anxiety my entire life. I remember as a child not being able to sleep at night because I was scared something might go wrong while I was sleeping. I remember my dad dropping me off at my mom’s home and was petrified as he drove away that he would not come back. He always did come back but I wanted to be prepared for the fact that he may not. I have lived my life like this for a long time and it is not a good thing. With or without chronic pain anxiety is no fun. With chronic pain it causes pain levels to rise and in general it is a never ending shitty cycle. As far as I have come with my management of chronic pain and anxiety, I have a long way to go when it comes to managing anxiety.
For instance, I woke up this morning on the wrong side of the bed ( literally my daughter was having nightmares throughout the night and had taken up most of our bed.) I am very, very excited to have another child and will be beyond happy when I do get pregnant. Any woman who has tried to get pregnant knows the disappoint she has each month when she knows for a fact that she is definitely not going to be pregnant for at least another month. Yes, I woke up on the wrong side of bed because of my poor little one having nightmares but I also felt symptoms of my period arriving and once I felt those I was just in a really bad mood. My daughter can feed off my energy as all children and people for that matter can. What we give out to the universe and the people around us is what we will get back. So as I tried to do my yoga dvd I continued to get more and more upset with my daughter begging for my attention. If I had just stopped the video for ten minutes and gave her some attention the day would have probably turned around. Instead I did not press pause on the dvd or my mood and had a hard work out but a very stressful one. The opposite affect of what I work out for.
The good news is that it is not even nine am yet and I have the rest of the day to turn both of our attitudes around. Living one day at a time is my goal in life but it is so much easier said then done. The most difficult thing for me is to just go with the flow. I am tired of overanalyzing everything in my life. I have been doing this since I was in first grade. I am going to work hard to go with the flow today and just breathe. I am going to continue to say what Louise Hay would say to me: “You are exactly where you are supposed to be at this very moment.”