Is This the Same Person???

Before learning how to manage my pain naturally I was a mess for a large portion of my life. After spending way too many years searching for a cure to my chronic pain, I gave up on any chance of ever being pain free and worse I totally gave up on myself. I had been on every medication known to man, had multiple surgeries, been to over one hundred specialists, and after zero relief I just gave up. I had run out of options. Nothing worked and I tried everything.

One day I packed some bags and left for Boulder, Colorado. I was running away from my problems. However, all my problems stemmed from chronic pain. I was running away just with a large amount of problems on my back. I began self medicating with alcohol. If you want to self medicate, Boulder is one of the best cities to be in, as it is widely known as one of the greatest party towns. I fit right in. I spent most nights drinking with people and most days eating complete crap to help the hangovers I had on a daily basis. We drank copious amounts of alcohol but I didn’t really seem different than anyone. However, a lot of the people I partied with were just living the “college life.” I was just partying to numb the physical and emotional pain I felt on a daily basis. Many days I just wanted to disappear but I knew that was not an option. I truly believed I would have to drink every night for the rest of my life to gain any relief from the physical pain I felt. After you see over one hundred plus doctors who all promise to help relieve your chronic pain and no relief comes, ya kinda just say screw it.

I had an angel in my life when I hit rock bottom who thankfully brought me to the Mayo Clinic where I learned how to manage chronic pain naturally. I am twenty one years old in the first picture and thirty two years old in the second picture. I now take no pain medicine, do not go to any specialist for pain relief, and maybe have two glasses of wine on a holiday. This is the same girl but with an entirely different perspective on life and pain management. This is the transformation that happens when you decide to take control of your own life and take the road less traveled also known as: the hard as hell route. I live with chronic pain every day of my life but most people would never know.

When I look at the difference of these pictures I see a lot of things. I see a much more in shape person, I see a healthier person. I almost see a younger person. But what I see most is a happier person. I have chronic pain in both pictures. The only difference is that the person on the left is close to wanting to die and the person on the right is happy and full of life.

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Is This the Same Person???

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15 thoughts on “Is This the Same Person???

  1. Pingback: [Press release] Living with chronic pain: The daily struggle with a ‘new self’ « Health and Medical News and Resources

  2. I’ve been thinking about your post all day. I read it in my email earlier and I just haven’t been able to get it out of my mind. I’m trying so hard to find the middle ground with medication and mindful living, but there’s really been no success of it.
    I’m starting to plunge downwards into the mindset of “what’s the point? I’ll always be in pain so I may as well do what makes me happy now because there won’t be any reason to be happy in the future”.
    You are just so inspirational.
    Thanks for helping me keep my head up through living your life day by day and being happy. 🙂

    • I kept thinking about it as well lol. You are very welcome. Maybe there isn’t a middle ground? I don’t know. I am a work in progress myself I do that taking pain medicine hurt me more then helped me and made me think more about pain if that makes any sense?

  3. jenusingword says:

    You are awesome. I want to be like you and I know how, you’ve given me the tools to start at least. I just haven’t. I don’t know what my problem is. I feel like I make a million excuses for not doing the work too and I hate it. Maybe it’s laziness or fear, I can’t be sure. I just want to do better and the will to do better is strong some days and not there at all others. I wish I knew what to do to fix this and start doing what I need to do.

    • You will get there just maybe not today or tomorrow. Maybe you are overthinking it. We do that with things. I am here if you EVER have any questions or guidance. I’ll always be honest (obviously haha) but I am here and I’m writing this to help people

      • jenusingword says:

        I really do appreciate that and I think you’ve helped not just me, but so many others too. I think part of my real issue is depression. It’s something I’ve dealt with off and on since I was in my teens. When I’m not feeling so down and bogged down by it and anxiety, I do much better. It’s like a roller coaster or it feels that way. I’ve even looked back on my past blog posts lately and I can see it. I do well and will be active, even motivated, when I’m not so sad, stressed out. But then it all comes tumbling down on me and this sadness and bad energy will take over. It’s a terrible cycle. Did you ever have issues like this or still do? It’s like if I could get the “good” to stick then I feel like I might be able to start working on things consistently but I haven’t figured things out yet. What’s worse is the times where the “bad” comes into my life but I don’t have the slightest idea what is making me feel bad. Yes, there’s the obvious stuff. But there’s a lot of times where I have this terrible feeling, this sadness that clings to me but I will not know why or what’s caused me to feel so bad. It’s the worst! I am at a loss on these feelings. It’s hard to explain to others too so I’m hoping you follow me, I’m again probably not doing the best job at explaining my feelings!

      • jenusingword says:

        And you could be right with overthinking things since I do that a lot. What’s the worst is knowing what to do but still not doing it. It makes me feel awful.

      • I understand completely what you are describing. Its a horrible roller coaster that I live on as well. Chronic pain is so correlated with anxiety and depression its no wonder its a mess. I do take medicine for depression/anxiety. The only medicine approved and encouraged by the Mayo Clinic and my therapist. Most days (as well as I am doing) I wake up with a horrible pit in my stomach. Its awful. The anxiety and depression almost chain me down and that is why I get up and exercise each morning. It works nine times out of ten. Chronic pain is the hardest thing to explain to anyone and so is everything else you are describing. Totally why I started this blog. It isn’t for me, it is for everyone else. I hate that feeling that no one gets it so I want you and ppl to know I GET IT. I get it all and there are people in my life who are reading and seeing things that I have hidden my whole life. I decided it was worth it to help anyone not feel alone.

      • jenusingword says:

        You are a good person and I appreciate you being so candid. It’s helped greatly to know I’m not crazy.

      • Everyone is crazy in my book and that’s a good thing. “normal people” are boring. haha. But, no you are definitely not crazy!! We just got dealt shit cards to deal with in life that we can either let break us or make us stronger. You will get there

  4. Kudos to you. I think we often have to hit rock bottom to find a way up. I also went through a time with my chronic pain where alcohol was my best friend. In the end I found diet changes and taking care of myself to be a far better friend and one that had much better results.

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