Dear past, thank you for your lessons. Dear future, I’m ready. Dear God, thank you for another chance. One would think that after being accepted into the Mayo Clinic Pain Rehab Center and finding the tools needed to manage pain naturally, I would not fall down and give up. After leaving the Mayo Clinic, I did amazing for many years. I was beyond happy and successful. I graduated college, became a social worker, and was engaged. I was managing pain in the most healthy way but somehow “real life” got in the way of my management of pain. I went back to doctors for relief (knowing what I was doing would not help me.) I began taking pain medicine again (knowing it would do nothing but make my pain worse as months went on.) I started going out and drinking with friends much more often than I should have. All of these factors led me to fall apart and I ended up back in constant pain/depression/and hopelessness. Did I deserve another chance? Maybe not. But, I was given one. With a lot of work and dedication I ended up back in the Pain Rehab Center. I knew that they could help me but I felt defeated and embarrassed. I ended up starting all over. It took so much time to get back on track with my pain management. I had to let go of the guilt and hatred towards myself for falling apart. How can one build themselves up if they are hating themselves? I had to prove I was ready. And so I did the work.
Yesterday’s post was proof I hope to all my readers that I am far from perfect and I have had a long battle with chronic pain and every emotion and illness that comes with it. I am very grateful that I have the tools and use them to manage my pain. It is not easy. Every day is a struggle. But, looking back on that picture from many years ago makes me see how far I have come and that I never want to go back. I never want to have to be in that much physical and emotional pain. I have been given these chances and I do not want to waste them. It is my job on this earth to help other people suffering from chronic pain. Something good has to come out of all the pain and heartache that led me to the life I am grateful for now. Some days are very hard but I do not let that show. Some days pain rarely enters my mind. Either way, I have come a long way and I am now here to help anyone who is going through the awful, often times silent struggle chronic pain bears on those who suffer from it.