“It is perfectly okay to admit you are not okay.” There is a big difference between constantly bitching, sweating the small stuff, and feeling like the “victim” twenty-four seven and not being okay. I present this blog in a very positive note to let people know that there is a huge light at the end of the tunnel of chronic pain. I try and be positive the majority of my days and want my readers to know that even in the midst of chronic pain, happiness can be found and dreams can be fulfilled. It takes a ton of work and commitment but chronic pain can be managed naturally and with success. However, this does not mean that I am this positive, happy, up beat person all the time. Sometimes I am just not okay. And sometimes the more I fight trying to feel great, the worse I feel. The game of Life is difficult with or without chronic pain. The most positive people I know fight battles the world knows nothing about. Looks and words can be quite deceiving.
My closest friend since I was diagnosed with chronic pain is one of the happiest, positive people I have ever met in my life. She radiates positive vibes and just being around her one feels happier. She does not sweat the small stuff and is just a happy person. We have been friends for over twenty years and she has had her share of battles. She is one of the few people in my life who have literally been with me throughout every stage of my battle and journey with chronic pain. We have always had the same dream: motherhood. Our old friends in high school always said the two of us would be the first to be married and have children. As predicted, they were pretty correct on their assumption. However, my friend had a very difficult time getting pregnant. We are not talking: “Oh, I have tried for five months, I just want to give up. I’ll never be a mom.” She spent a couple years trying everything to get pregnant. She does not have chronic pain and it is close to impossible for her to understand it. However, she never judged me and has been a prominent person in my life since I was thirteen. I did not, fortunately have trouble getting pregnant with my first daughter. However, I was very cognizant to not rub it in her face when I did get pregnant by not even truly trying. Most friends, after trying for more than two years to become pregnant would be filled with some jealously and anger that their best friend was pregnant without even trying. Now that I am ready for a second child, I think I would have been beyond jealous and bitter if the roles had been reversed. I cannot say for sure but I know I would not have acted with the love and grace my best friend did when she became aware I was pregnant with my daughter. While actively going to fertility specialists on a weekly basis, my best friend was planning my baby shower. She was so excited for my daughter to be born. I came home one day: pregnant, scared, lonely, and hormonal to find baby gifts scattered around my front porch. She was there for me. She was so amazing, no one would have ever guessed the battle she was fighting. I am happy to say, my best friend has recently given birth to a healthy baby and I truly believe no one deserves it more. She is such a strong, positive person that I forget that she is human at times. At the moment we are not living near one another. We are many states apart actually. However, via text we both admitted to one another that we were just not okay today. One would think: Here is Jessica, managing chronic pain naturally, with a healthy family, and spreading hope to the world about chronic pain, there is not way she could be sad. One would think the same of my friend: Here is a woman who has tried for years to get pregnant and is finally blessed with a perfect little angel, of course she is on cloud nine. She inspired this post today because she (without realizing it) gave me a reminder that it is perfectly okay to admit you are not okay. Sometimes there doesn’t even have to be a reason. I preach gratitude and living in the moment and counting one’s blessings so often that I forget to share with the world that it is okay to not be okay. We put so much pressure on ourselves to be “perfect” and appear happy all the time that we do not allow ourselves to just have a shitty day. Life can be a roller coaster and it really is okay to not always be okay. Honesty is so empowering. Every day is a new beginning and we are always going to have good days and bad days. Hopefully, the good always outweighs the bad but you know what if right now the bad is outweighing the good in your life, do not worry. Life has an eerie way or working things out. Truly it does. Everything will be okay but that does not mean one has to be up beat and great all the time. Allow yourself to be human.