We are all on a separate journey on this crazy road of life. One of my favorite quotes from any movie would be from “Parenthood” starring Steve Martin. As the character Steve Martin and his movie wife are arguing about having another child and money problems, Steve Martin’s Grandmother comes in the room and states: “When I was a little girl my parents would take my friends and I to the carnival. Most of the kids were scared of the roller coaster, they preferred to go on the carousel. The roller coaster was scary to them: up and down and up and down, never know which turn was coming next. But, the carousel just went around and around, that’s it. I liked the roller coaster, get more out of it.”
My journey in life before and after chronic pain has been quite the roller coaster. Few people have truly understood the journey I have been on in my thirty two years of life. When I was racing off to Colorado with only a couple bags packed, not one person understood what the hell I was doing. I did not even understand it at the time. I now see that that impulsive decision was leading me to my road of health and happiness but at the time it did seem crazy. I was judged, criticized and misunderstood and it hurt a lot. But, how could I explain chronic pain to anyone when I had no idea what was wrong with me myself? I was on a journey but had no idea where it was leading me.
Many people still do not understand the journey I am on. I have a good handle on what I am doing and feel pretty good about myself and my journey but it is frustrating at times to feel alone on this journey. Since I no longer take anything for pain, I am a lot more regimented in my life. I try and stick to a certain routine and have to say no to a lot of things that I know are not good for me. It isn’t being selfish, it is doing what I know is right for me as a woman, wife and mother with chronic pain. Most people do not understand why I “need” to practice yoga nidra. It truly is one of my life lines to my natural chronic pain management. It helps my anxiety, my sleep deprivation, and my chronic pain. Yes, I would rather do that then watch television or take a nap. Today, I wanted to clean my house so much while my daughter slept. However, I listened to my inner wisdom and did a yoga nidra session in bed with her. A lot of things I do seem “weird” or completely different from things the “old Jessica” used to do. Even people that are extremely close to me do not understand my journey. I have to let go of trying to explain my journey to anyone, even those people who I love dearly. If I continue to do what I know is right, then I am on the right path. My journey will have many more ups and downs because that is the road of life. I have come a long way and still have a long way to go. We all do. We are each on a separate journey. No one needs to explain their journey to anyone. With good intentions and knowledge that our journeys are like roller coasters, we can be at peace with where we are today.