YOU are not alone!!!

The truth is this: chronic pain sucks. The bigger truth is: chronic pain is worse when there seems to be no reason for the pain. I fell off my bike when was going into the Seventh grade. My life was totally normal one second as I happily rode my pink cruiser in the warm summer air and then BAM (literally) everything changed. I slipped, fell into a stone wall and hours later wound up in an ambulance on my way for immediate brain surgery. How could one’s life ever be the same after that. To this day, I cannot eat the certain mints that I had in my mouth the day of my fall. If you live in New Jersey or have ever been to a diner (not Denny’s….a real diner) you probably know the mints they allow people to take on their way out. I loved those mints, probably because they were free but either way I loved them. Those sugary mints were in my mouth the day my life changed forever and the thought of eating them still makes me want to vomit. Following my brain surgery and months in bed I was back to the “real world.” One would think my chronic pain began then, right after my accident. However, the pain did not get to the point of “barely functioning” until I was about seventeen. All those years in between seem like a cake walk now. People knew what had happened to me. You tell someone you have brain surgery and came close to dying, you get some sympathy. No one is going to say: “Its all in your head.”

In my senior year of high school I was sitting there unconsciously rubbing my face and head. I did not realize until that moment how much pain I was actually in. A girl next to me in class asked me if I was okay because I was rubbing my face and head so hard and did not even realize it. Most people would think the moment after falling off that bike changed my life forever but in actuality it was that day in my senior year while rubbing my face that my life truly changed for good. From that point forward I searched to find out A. Why was in this amount of pain? and B. How can someone make it go away? Those questions made the next ten years of my life a living hell. There is so much that comes along with chronic pain: hopelessness, fear, anxiety, depression, isolation, loss of jobs, loss of friends, loss of family members. Chronic pain can be filled with loss. I lost almost everything because of chronic pain.

However, I finally reached a point where I couldn’t let it destroy me any longer. I had to hit my rock bottom in order to find a life with chronic pain worth living. As people read my blog you know my ups and downs with chronic pain. I just never want anyone to feel the loneliness I felt during those ten years. I am here to help, guide and show you the ways I have managed to finally find a life with chronic pain that makes me happy. But most importantly I am here to allow anyone with any invisible illness not feel alone.

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YOU are not alone!!!

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4 thoughts on “YOU are not alone!!!

  1. Hi! I appreciate not being alone, because being with people that have “tangible” health issues is the same as being alone. I felt completely alone for almost 20 years and it was extremely difficult. I still have those moments when I try to spend time with “normal” people. Today was a day like that and I don’t want to be there again. Those days are the ones that take their toll on me. I’m actually happier at home watching birds and talking on the Internet with you and others that truly understand. Despite it all I try to have a positive outlook and minimize those days when I feel down. Thanks for a great blog that says it all in a matter-of-fact way. That’s something I can relate to. Warmly, Valda

  2. I echo Valda’s statements. I have my husband to hewlp and understand but I sometimes winder if he does when things go awry. How can he understand going from a high functioning parent, business owner, facilitator of so many groups, study fr=or another degree to…… nothing. I can’t think because of the fog, the pills for the pain (I waited until it was so bad I wished to end it all) have closed down what little brain cells were working. I hate being so useless and dependent. Relying on a stupid spell checker to correct all the mistakes. Sorry – this was meant to thank you for a great post. I truly appreciate it. Thanks Susan x

    • Yeah, husbands aren’t always the best people to be understanding. Several weeks ago my husband told me to “get over it”. I told him that he will never hear another word about my illness. A week later he was tearful that I’m going through so much. This is a tough journey for them too. So on top of needing so much for ourselves we must be considerate of our partner’s needs. That’s okay that your brain cells aren’t working. Go easy on yourself and use your sense of humor. I play charades with people to help me find my words. A little humor goes a long way! I’m sure you aren’t totally useless . . . most of us are more comfortable with taking care of everything and making sure everyone else is doing fine. It’s just time for everyone to do for you. I know that’s hard, but becoming more comfortable with your limitations will bring you more peace. Also, don’t worry about spell checker because we still know what you are trying to say. You are still communicating and that’s the whole point. We don’t have to be perfect, because we are flawed humans. Isn’t that good?! Take care of yourself! Warmly, Valda

      • Thank You so much. I really feel better after reading this. It’s come at the right time – a truly bad day, but we rescued it 🙂 I truly appreciate knowing I;m not totally crazy..-and useless.We made some fig jam – yes we laughed about it. but I’ll post recipe and pictures tomorrow… and call it Fig and Apple Jam 🙂 .We have so many figs and no jars yet…. problem number one 🙂
        Blessings, Susan c

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