The truth is this: chronic pain sucks. The bigger truth is: chronic pain is worse when there seems to be no reason for the pain. I fell off my bike when was going into the Seventh grade. My life was totally normal one second as I happily rode my pink cruiser in the warm summer air and then BAM (literally) everything changed. I slipped, fell into a stone wall and hours later wound up in an ambulance on my way for immediate brain surgery. How could one’s life ever be the same after that. To this day, I cannot eat the certain mints that I had in my mouth the day of my fall. If you live in New Jersey or have ever been to a diner (not Denny’s….a real diner) you probably know the mints they allow people to take on their way out. I loved those mints, probably because they were free but either way I loved them. Those sugary mints were in my mouth the day my life changed forever and the thought of eating them still makes me want to vomit. Following my brain surgery and months in bed I was back to the “real world.” One would think my chronic pain began then, right after my accident. However, the pain did not get to the point of “barely functioning” until I was about seventeen. All those years in between seem like a cake walk now. People knew what had happened to me. You tell someone you have brain surgery and came close to dying, you get some sympathy. No one is going to say: “Its all in your head.”
In my senior year of high school I was sitting there unconsciously rubbing my face and head. I did not realize until that moment how much pain I was actually in. A girl next to me in class asked me if I was okay because I was rubbing my face and head so hard and did not even realize it. Most people would think the moment after falling off that bike changed my life forever but in actuality it was that day in my senior year while rubbing my face that my life truly changed for good. From that point forward I searched to find out A. Why was in this amount of pain? and B. How can someone make it go away? Those questions made the next ten years of my life a living hell. There is so much that comes along with chronic pain: hopelessness, fear, anxiety, depression, isolation, loss of jobs, loss of friends, loss of family members. Chronic pain can be filled with loss. I lost almost everything because of chronic pain.
However, I finally reached a point where I couldn’t let it destroy me any longer. I had to hit my rock bottom in order to find a life with chronic pain worth living. As people read my blog you know my ups and downs with chronic pain. I just never want anyone to feel the loneliness I felt during those ten years. I am here to help, guide and show you the ways I have managed to finally find a life with chronic pain that makes me happy. But most importantly I am here to allow anyone with any invisible illness not feel alone.