I am currently reading a book by an author named: James Green. It is a fictional story about a young girl and it has really resonated with me. The book is called: “Paper Village.” I am only halfway through and have no idea what is going to happen but I feel like I connect with the character on multiple levels or maybe wish I did. She explains how we are always looking towards the future. Many centuries ago the average life span was not nearly as high as it is now so people lived more for the moment then for the future. Now many of us go through our lives trying to get amazing grades in high school so that we are able to go to a great college. Once we enter college we try again to achieve as much as we can so that we can attain a great job. Then we get that great job, look for a spouse, have children and encourage them to achieve greatness in school. The cycle goes on and on. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this cycle and wanting the best for ourselves so please do not misunderstand what I am trying to convey in this roundabout way. My point is that we are all so focused on the next phase of our life that we never enjoy the days/moments we are currently living. This is something I have the hardest time with, but hopefully I am getting somewhat better.
I have a beautiful daughter who is not even two and spend so much time worrying/thinking about having our second child that I may be missing certain moments with her that we will never get back. I obsess to the point that I actually begin believing I will not be able to have another child which is just absurd. My thoughts are my worst enemy.
A woman who has just read my entire blog who I hope is still reading explained how much she has fear about pain and how it will affect her future. I have written this before and truly believe that so often our fear of pain is worse than the pain itself. I spent a good majority of my life thinking, wondering, and obsessing about my pain that it took over every aspect of my being. Once I stopped looking for a cure and got off my medication, I was able to live again. My thoughts revolved around pain whether or not my pain was a three on a pain scale or a ten on a pain scale. I was never able to breathe and let go and enjoy life. Part of me believes that because I spent over a decade of my life worrying about pain that my mind is actually trained to worry. Now that I have come to a point of not worrying about pain I worry about not having another child because I want another child so very badly.
I want to put this on my “Inspiration Station” wall that I keep in my bedroom. I want to see this every day and read it. “Sometimes the best thing that you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best.”