Happiness is an Inside Job

At any given point in the day, you have the power to say this is not the way my day is going to end. Last night was an extremely rough night for me with many tears and not much sleep. Throw all the emotions, lack of sleep, and tears together the following day is a recipe for a difficult day (my words for PAIN!) My daughter woke me up and I was so exhausted and distraught I was praying I was dreaming and she was not really awake. However, I looked at the clock and realized it was definitely not a dream. I had to really push myself in order to be there for her. I dragged myself out of bed with puffy eyes and a miserable attitude. I took my daughter for a run just so I did not have to deal with the real world. Running and listening to music is a healthy escape for me. I knew what I really needed was sleep but that was not in the cards today. I was in a miserable mood and literally had to shake myself out of it. I tried doing yoga nidra three times but was even too anxious to succeed in that which made myself even angrier. When my husband suggested taking a walk to town and looking for a new painting for our living room, I almost snapped and said: “Do you know how damn tired I am???” I cannot tell you how happy I am that I chose to react in a different way and put my worries and exhaustion behind me. My husband, daughter and I bundled up and started walking. We walked into town and ended up having an amazing day. We laughed, met amazing people, and genuinely enjoyed the cold day. I was able to forget about my pain and my anxieties which I usually cannot do on such little sleep. I love my family but I am giving myself credit for the happiness I had today. I have been having a difficult time with different aspects in my life and have been feeling quite alone. It is my job to make myself happy and I cannot rely on anyone else to do that for me. Before we left today, I looked in the mirror and said aloud: “Jessica, turn this ship around. It is just a bad night and morning. You have the power to turn this day around.”

Happiness truly is an inside job. It is wonderful when others make us happy and very healthy to have close relationships. However, we must find happiness within ourselves in order to be happy with the people around us. Today could have stayed miserable if I did not decide to completely switch gears. It really was not easy. The mind is powerful and it takes every fiber of my being to force it to turn the pain switch off. My puffy eyes and pain level did not really change but I still ended up having a great day. I had to focus on the good and look past the pain and anxieties.

I usually say: “Tomorrow will be better.” Today, I made a decision to say: “Today will be better.” It worked!

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Happiness is an Inside Job

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One thought on “Happiness is an Inside Job

  1. You are so insightful with your feelings and generous with the fact you share them. You touched on an aspect that’s been on my mind as of late. As you know I’ve dallied with writing my own experiences and I saw the words “it’s a lonely place” and I thought that will be the name is my blog because it encapsulates how I feel so often with my issues because though others can help and influence in some way it is our journey and it’s our individual selves that have the capacity to mould things for the better. I hope tomorrow brings another joyful day x

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