For most of my life I was a prisoner of pain. Not one second in my day went by without thinking about the pain I was in. Trying to study was beyond difficult and I was one of the few kids that actually wanted to learn. Ok, that may be stretching it. I wanted to learn about social skills, music, literature, and writing but could have cared less about algebra and physics. I was feeling and thinking about pain so much that I really could not enjoy the lessons I wanted to learn both in school and life. If you do not have chronic pain imagine one of the most painful things you have been through whether that has been a migraine, broken arm, the flu or anything that is an acute illness. Imagine that pain never going away. Ever. I remember one of my closest friends saying: “Jessica, I do not know how you do it. I woke up with such a headache and have downed four Advil and the pain is still there. I’m just going to go to bed.” That constant pain leads to an abundance of anxiety and depression. I was a prisoner of my chronic pain for more than a third of my life. Thanks a lot brain surgery, haha.
Now I am choosing to be a prisoner of hope. A lot of people call me a dreamer and some call me crazy and both words are most likely true. I am totally okay with that. What is wrong with hope? I will have chronic pain for the rest of my life. That is pretty much a no brainer. I will most likely have anxiety for the rest of my life and that is okay too. I truly believe that I can make the world a better place if I continue to hope and spread that hope and awareness of not just chronic pain but of happiness in general.
I cannot just hope I must also take action for all the things I am hoping for and I can honestly go to sleep most nights knowing that I did the best I could to fulfill my hopes and dreams. If only we call all fill ourselves with more hope and spread that hope like the snow that is falling all over my state of New Jersey. I feel that the first step in making any change in your life is acknowledgement and the second step is hope. If you have hope, you can honestly make anything happen. I feel safe in saying that. I had brain surgery, almost died, and have lived with chronic pain since. If I can hope with all that, you can too.