I awoke this morning with the gut wrenching feeling something was terribly wrong. This has been happening in my life prior to my bike accident and chronic pain. Most people with chronic pain suffer from either anxiety or depression and I have had anxiety my entire life. A few things happened yesterday that affected me in a quite a negative way and I went to sleep fearing the future and I awoke fearing the future. Logically, I am well aware that 95 percent of what I am afraid of happening will never happen, however it is still difficult at times to manage my fears and anxiety just as it is sometimes difficult to manage my chronic pain naturally.
Fear and anxiety can make us feel like prisoners in our own body, it is quite scary to be honest. I have gained much confidence and courage by looking my biggest fears in the face. My biggest fear to date was making a decision to manage chronic pain naturally and making the choice to live with it without looking for a cure. That’s a scary ass decision to make and not only was it the right one for me but it did build my strength and confidence. I still have fears though and I am not always confident. What I fear most is the unknown. When I awoke this morning feeling this way I decided (despite my cold) to take my two year old out for a run. When I put running and music together it is like heaven on earth. It is just a bonus that my daughter enjoys sitting in her stroller watching the world go by as I run. We arrived home, I made my daily juice, showered and when she napped I practiced yoga nidra. I awoke from my meditation with that fear still at the pit of my stomach. What I realize is that the hardest fear to face is the one that has no real meaning. There is absolutely nothing I can do about the fears I have at this very moment. All I do know is what I am afraid of is most likely false evidence appearing real. Sometimes fears are so much more easily dealt with when there is something you can do about them. For now, I just have to do my best to distract myself from my worries as I distract myself from my physical pain. Tomorrow is another day but it is only eleven thirty am and I am going to make a solid choice to make today another day. It is beautiful in New Jersey today and I know something wonderful is going to happen. I am going to turn my fears over to my hopes and dreams. They say it takes just as much energy to be afraid or to believe so I chose to test that theory out.