One year ago today I was at a doctor’s appointment with my daughter in search (once again) for some kind of “cure” or pain relief for my chronic pain. I knew how to manage my pain naturally but a year before my daughter was born I took a social work job which paid a lot more than I was making in a job I loved (social work as well.) I went against my inner wisdom for more money and that was a huge lesson in life for me. At my new job I was working at least ten hours a day (no lunch break, no breaks in general) and was working for a corporation that did not care for their patients. My job was to make the company money, not to help the patients in need of my knowledge and care. I sacrificed all my hard work to manage my chronic pain naturally for more money. Needless to say, I went back on medication during this time and stopped utilizing the tools I relied on and loved to manage pain naturally. I was a hot mess.
After my daughter was born I was still seeing specialists for my chronic pain. Like I said one year ago today she and I were at an Orthopedics office and I was hating every second of it. I wanted so much to go back to managing pain naturally but just did not have the will power or strength to do so. I was a new mother, not getting much sleep, and juggling a baby/house/and chronic pain at the same time. I was happy because Kayci was the best thing to ever happen to me but I slowly started to hate myself. I knew I had to get back to managing pain naturally but I didn’t think I could. The beginning is the hardest part. Luckily for myself and my family I managed to stop seeing doctors, searching for that “cure”, and ending any medication that had to do with pain. A year ago today I would not have run a race with my amazing friend/neighbor. She had no idea a year ago the struggle I was going through. Making friends in your thirties is kind of like dating. It takes a few times to hang out to know if you will mesh, see if you have same interests, and be able to gauge just how far you can go with your sense of humor. It did not take long to know she and I would be friends so I did not want her to know about my struggles in fear that she would look down on me. Now that I know her so well, she would never have judged me. Now, she is one of my greatest friends and I sometimes do not know what I would do without her. This is my first race in many years and it felt so good to get out there again. It was not the adrenaline rush and endorphin rush but I was happy and laughing. Running really can be a sport and it is one of my favorite things to do. I even placed fourth in my age group. There are so many things I missed out on in my life because of my battle with chronic pain. Now, I have them back and it feels so good.
I am not writing this post to brag in any way/shape/ or form. I just want people with chronic pain to know that you can get the things in your life back that you love. You do not have to let chronic pain hold you back from happiness. A lot of moderation goes into how I manage my pain and yes I feel some pain (but I always do) I just do not talk about it. There is a difference between pain and suffering. Would you look at this picture and think for a second that the girl on the right has had brain surgery, multiple surgeries following, and lives with chronic pain? Never lose hope because I am here to tell you that anything is possible.