End of the day of Chronic Pain

For most people who do not suffer from chronic pain today would have been what Alexander from one of my favorite books as a child would call a “No Good, Very Bad, Terrible Day!” Having survived brain surgery and accepted chronic pain today was pretty awful however, not as bad as days in my darkest hours of chronic pain.

Kayci woke me up just before six in the morning and we did our routine. Today’s routine consisted of yoga (Bob Harper style) juicing, playing, cleaning, and yoga nidra (meditation.) It quickly took an insane turn as I was driving to the grocery store and my mom called me. She rarely if ever calls me before noon so I had a gut feeling something was wrong: children’s intuition? I was correct. My mother was balling her eyes out and it took many minutes for her to explain to me what had happened. Unfortunately, her best friend died a few days ago and was just found late last night in her home. My heart literally dropped as she was talking to me and I knew I had to drive the fifty minutes it takes to get to her house. I did not want her alone and knew my two year old would cheer her up. I grabbed diapers and a sippy cup and was out the door in record time. Driving there was difficult so I sang with my daughter the entire drive and was very shocked and proud of my mother’s strength and courage. I am sure she is still in the shock phase as she has only just lost her best friend. The social worker/mother/daughter/caregiver in me took over and everything else in my world was forgotten. We stayed with her for hours and did not leave until I was sure she would not be alone for the remainder of the night. I was very excited to get home as my two year old was screaming binkie (something I forgot on my mad rush to leave) and just wanted to get her and I some dinner and rest. About twenty minutes before getting home I heard my little girl puking in the back seat. I felt completely helpless as I was on a very busy highway. The second I was able to, I pulled over and helped her the best I could. We arrived home and the first thing I did was put her in the bathtub, which as this picture shows cheered her up a great deal.

Sometimes in life with chronic pain/anxiety you do not need to find distractions from your pain, they come to you in some awful ways. Yes, today was awful and I feel terrible for my mother but know in my heart she will be okay.

If any of this had happened ten years ago I would have been too much in my own misery/depression and pain to really help my mother. People would have seen it as selfish but when you are in a place that I was with chronic pain there was literally no way I was able to help anyone else. I could barely keep myself alive, much less help anyone even those I love. That is not easy to admit but is a huge reason why I chose to live with my pain naturally and find a way to find happiness and life despite chronic pain. It is why I am able to be a good daughter and mother now because I am able to take care of myself physically and emotionally.

Did the stress of today intensify my pain levels? Trick question. I am not going to answer that! I will practice what I preach and try as hard as possible not to think, talk, or dwell on my pain. It is what keeps me sane and lowers my pain. The people I love are healthy (despite the puke) and I am in a place to help the ones I love. As awful as today was/is I am writing this to show the world that despite chronic pain you can still have a purpose and be there for the ones you love. It truly is the best distraction for me.


End of the day of Chronic Pain


5 thoughts on “End of the day of Chronic Pain

  1. Sam says:

    Dear Jess,
    I’m so sorry to hear about your mothers loss. It’s so hard to see our loved ones suffering when there’s nothing we can really do for them besides being there for them to offer support & a shoulder to cry on.
    This also reminds me of what it must feel like for the friends & family of those of us with chronic pain. Personally I’ve been someone who’s said “I don’t want u to try & fix me” and “I need you to be there for me”. This must feel so hard for our loved ones to be there for us since the problem never really goes away & even if they want to there’s nothing they can do to actually alleviate the problem. I think it’s a good idea to try & imagine what a difficult position our friends & family are in and remember to thank them as often as possible for all the support, love, & help they give & how much that means to those of us w/ chronic pain.
    Thank you again Jessica for your dedication to all the lucky people that have found your blog and for sharing so much of your time, compassion, experiences, and love to all of us. Your support & understanding have helped me a great deal and I am grateful that I found you and your blog. Your commitment to helping others w/ chronic pain is commendable and my heart goes out to your mother and your family. I hope u can find some peace tonight.

    • You are so sweet Sam. No thanks ever needed! My passion is helping those manage pain as I feel so fortunate to have found a way to live with my pain and still be happy. YOU are so welcome

  2. Well done you, you did brilliantly today, it sounds like it was a hard day and an awful one for your mother, poor woman. I am glad you were able to be there to support her. Big hugs and I hope you get a good nights sleep xxx ps your daughter looks sooooo cute!

  3. Lisa Cooper says:

    Thanks for the encouragement. My 13-year-old has a constant headache and is being homeschooled by me because being in school became too difficult. Your blog has helped me be more at peace with the situation and to realize that he is becoming more functional and dealing with the pain better as time goes by.

    • Hi Lisa I know your name and story by heart! I’m so happy he is doing well. I’m here if you need anything. T-Mobile. America’s First Nationwide 4G Network


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