“What a wonderful thing that some of the greatest days of my life have yet to happen!”
I awoke this morning quite happy and excited for the day. We had nothing special planned but the weather is in the fifties here in New Jersey and this winter that is a pretty big deal! Ye Kayci and I went on a five mile fun, came home and got ready to go to a place she adores called: Little Adventures. We spent so much of yesterday running errands and doing mundane things that I knew she deserved a day of pure fun, exercise, and play time with me. After our run and juice I began getting us both ready for the day. I have had a mild nausea so of course got excited I may be pregnant. My brain told me not to but my heart could not help but take a pregnancy test. It stated not so kindly in bold letters: NOT PREGNANT. I really would like to invent home pregnancy test that are more positive. Maybe it should say: NOT PREGNANT BUT IT WILL HAPPEN ! OR NOT PREGNANT BUT STAY POSITIVE! or even: NOT PREGNANT BUT JUST KEEP SWIMMING SWIMMING SWIMMING (no pun intended
Last month I would have been quite depressed for a day or two but I am okay about it now because I know it will happen and I feel very blessed. People may think I am crazy and everyone has their own opinions but we have made a decision to see a fertility specialist in April. Since making that appointment my anxiety has decreased immensely. I am blessed as so many people are not and need to be much more grateful. We are very lucky to have amazing insurance that covers infertility appointments and treatments if needed. That is a huge blessing! My appointment is in late April and I am super excited. Outsiders will always have their opinions. One of my readers recently wrote me explaining that people were really rude to her about her chronic pain saying things like: “It is all in your head” and all the things many of us with chronic pain have heard. I gave her the advice I always give to others with chronic pain and are struggling with other’s opinions. It is pure ignorance and I mean that by the exact definition of the word. People just do not understand chronic pain and most people (including myself at times) speak before thinking. We have to laugh off the opinions and comments of others because of it’s pure ignorance. I know, I know: easier said than done. However, right now I have had multiple people put their two cents into my choice to see a fertility specialist regarding getting pregnant. With age comes wisdom and I just really do not care what anyone thinks or has to say about my choices in life. I read a quote recently that said: “Never give up on something you cannot go a day without thinking about.” I am a fighter. I do not give up. I owe no one any explanations for the choices I make and neither do you.
Yes, I was sad for about twenty minutes this morning but then decided to just focus on my blessings. On the way to Kayci’s play date I passed a liquor store I used to go to all the time when I was in a really dark place with chronic pain. I looked at it and wanted to hug the girl that used to venture in there just to numb her physical pain. I was so depressed. Now I drive by that liquor store with my two year old in the back seat singing on our way to her little gym. My life is just beginning! I am so excited about my future and all the blessings I have yet it store for me.
It does not matter how old you are. When I was nineteen and struggling with chronic pain I thought my life was over and looked older than I do now. Back then, thirty two sounded soooo old! Now it feels so young! You can make a change in your life at any point in time. Your life begins when you decide it to. No one else can make that choice for you. Please remember this when you are having a horrible time either with chronic or not: Some of the greatest things in your life haven’t even happened yet!!!”