“Wisdom is nothing than healed pain.”
Pain comes in many ways shapes and forms but as people know, even from the title of my blog I am mostly writing about physical pain. However, physical pain over time develops into even more emotional pain. I then wonder which is worse? For myself, the emotional pain my physical pain has caused me is quite more difficult to live with. Hurt hurts and in the end it really does not matter where you have your chronic pain or even if you do have chronic pain because emotional pain can be just as paralyzing and destructive.
My good friends and family can find me to be quite “ditzy” at times, which is fine with me. I totally own up to the endless remarks I seem to make and some of the things I “should” have paid more attention to while in High School and College: such as the fact that Alaska is a state and Pluto is no longer a planet. There are times I have been in a room and totally felt like Joey from the show Friends: nod and smile, nod and smile. However, I do have a lot of wisdom regarding the bigger picture of life. I have leaved on this planet for a total of thirty two years which in theory is really not that long. However, in those thirty two years I have been through a lot. I have had the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. The lows in my life have given me endless amounts of wisdom which I am now able to share with the world through this blog. There are painful experiences that I am experiencing now that I hate but know in time so much wisdom will come out of these situations. Without my bike accident and chronic pain I would not be the person I am now. I would not have the knowledge that makes me who I am. I really do not think I would eat as healthy or exercise or practice meditation and mindfulness. More importantly, I would not be so grateful for the little things in life that I was never able to enjoy because the entire focus of my life revolved around chronic pain. I cannot separate Jessica from chronic pain because chronic pain has made me the person I am today, and for the most part I really am proud of that Jessica.
There are still things from my past/present that I have not healed from. I, like many of us have swept certain things that have happened to me under the rug because I just do not want to think about them. Is this a bad thing? Possibly, but in time I will heal just as I have found the best way possible to heal my chronic pain. Ironically, I have healed my chronic pain by having it not healed.
Sometimes it is so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but just know in your heart it is there even if you cannot see it. There are things I am struggling with right now and it is hard to see a light but I know it is there because I believe in it. I have the wisdom that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel because of all the pain: physical and emotional I have been through during my lifetime. Without this wisdom I would not be writing about my journey with chronic pain and helping people.
I may have just learned in the past year that Alaska is a state and I may truly suck at directions but I am wise. I am wise because of the pain I have experienced. I am here to share my story and spread the hope and awareness regarding chronic pain I was unable to find for most of my life. I know so many of you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel but it is there: give more energy to your faith than your doubts.