“It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so deeply.” Unkown
Anyone who has gone through tough times in their lives can relate to other’s pain more so than people who have had it relatively easy. I have had many hard times in my life from birth to the age of thirty two, nothing compares to chronic pain but life has challenged me in many ways. All the pain I have been through both physical and emotional has truly shaped me into the person I am today. I never judge anyone for their mistakes even if I totally disagree with their choices. Even at the young age of thirteen I was out with my friends giving homeless people money as they made fun of them. I have seen things in my childhood no child should have to see. I have had awful relationships that made me think there were no good people in the world. Most of all I have suffered with chronic pain most of my life which almost honestly took my life. I have made bad decisions and I have done things I am not proud of. I think one of the worst things in our world today is that we are all so quick to judge one another. The world needs so much more love and so much less anger and judgement.
Someone very close to me is going through a hard time. I have never been in this person’s situation and yet I have spent hours crying for her. When I love someone I can literally feel their pain. I hurt so much as if it is happening to me. Call it empathy, call it being crazy, call it being a good person: I really do not care what it is. It can be a blessing and a curse but it is truly who I am and I do not know if I want to change it. I forgive easily maybe too easily at times but life is so short. I do not agree with everything people around me do but I will support the people I love. Did I want to spend a lot of my night and morning crying when “it has nothing to do with me.” Obviously, not. I have so much in my own life that I must focus on. I had a reiki/yoga instructor once tell me during a session that I was one of the most intuitive people she had ever worked with. I’m not sure that I am that intuitive but I know I truly can feel other’s pain. How could I not? I know what it feels like to have your life falling apart because of my battle with chronic pain. I feel the pain of my loved ones because I know pain. It is why I started this blog. It has not been easy to let the world and close people in my life know some of the things I have done that I am not proud of. It is not always easy to share the fact that I have chronic pain and it has ruined a good portion of my life. But when I think about all the people in the world with chronic pain who think they are alone and have no future I honestly do cry. I have to write this blog. I have to share my story. People have to know there is hope and a light at the end of each tunnel. Chronic pain was a curse but I need to turn it into a blessing for others.