“I’m screaming but the noise won’t come out!”
This is one of the best ways to describe any invisible illness: chronic pain, depression, anxiety, Fibromyalgia etc. If you have been reading my blog you have seen pictures of me and I look perfectly healthy and happy. Most people with chronic pain look perfectly healthy on the outside which is one of the most frustrating things to an invisible illness. I swear I truly believe I was happier when half of my head was shaved, there was a huge scar covering my head, and bruises throughout my entire body. Who the hell would want to look and feel like that? Anyone with an invisible illness!!! We want our scars to show. We want people to see our physical scars so they believe we have scars inside of us. Dealing with an invisible illness is literally like screaming bloody murder but no one can hear you. It feels as if you are drowning.
There is no way anyone who does not have chronic pain can understand what it feels like to feel pain 24/7, 365 days a week. Just as I cannot possibly understand what it feels like to have Cancer. It is so frustrating for people with chronic pain to have no way to verbalize what they are feeling. I find that people who have chronic pain either want everyone to believe them and try every way possible to get their feelings across or people do the exact opposite and hide the fact they are suffering because they do not want to be looked at differently. I hid my pain from most people for most of my life aside from very close family members. I wanted to fit in but at the same time I truly did not think anyone would believe me. My long hair was back, scars were hidden, and I looked like a normal teenagers with oily hair and pimples. I started self medicating with my friends at a young age just to be able to feel normal, all the while screaming on the inside. Chronic pain comes with depression and anxiety: how could it not. Two more invisible illnesses. This is not how I typically write my blogs as I have found a way through my pain naturally and am finally living the life I have always wanted. However, I still want to remind my readers or family members of my readers that I totally understand the hell that comes with chronic pain. I want you to all know: I know you are screaming and I can hear you. Keep going. I never believed I could find a happy life despite chronic pain and yet I have. I hear your screams, I need you to hear my true words of hope, knowledge, and wisdom. I have had chronic pain since my teens and I will be thirty two in about a month. I lost so much of my life because of my invisible illness. I have to find something good from all the pain I have endured and the one thing I can give is my help. I hear your screams, I feel your pain, and I promise you it can get better.