This has been a high anxiety a day: fertility is getting under way and it is a lot. Throughout the month there is blood drawn at least once a week, ultrasounds, and medications as they have found the problem. I’m excited, do not get me wrong but it is a lot. My blood test today showed I am not pregnant which was zero surprise as we JUST started this process and my intuition is rarely wrong: chronic pain has taught me to listen to my body! Hence, why I do not listen to other’s opinions regarding my choice to go the fertility route. I knew something was not right just as I knew I was pregnant with Kayci without one symptom. I was lying in my daily yoga class and the instructor asked: “How is everyone feeling?” I jumped out of savasana and shouted: “Shit, I’m pregnant!” I just knew, no one believed me until I took the test twenty minutes later. Point being, I knew something was not right and I have learned to listen to my body (not my pain body but my intuition and heart.) I was correct: my body is not producing a close enough amount of the hormone progesterone to carry a child. I have probably miscarried in the past few months without knowing it because of my lack of progesterone. Had I not made this appointment I would doubtfully get pregnant and if I did I would have most likely miscarried. I am thrilled we are in this process but it can bring with it some anxiety: as all new adventures bring.
I was having just a “blah” day: hormones, chronic pain, etc. Plus, I’m human and some days can just be blah and that is ok! However, I knew a walk with Kayci would benefit both of us. We walked into town to the health food store where she got a healthy treat and I got my favorite drink in the world: kombucha! We have an appointment tonight so I wanted to just enjoy a long walk with Kayci. I allowed her to walk on her own sans stroller even though it added about thirty minutes but it gave me some perspective. Every time my little two year old saw a dandelion she had to pick it up and blow as hard as possible to make a “wish.” I joined in on the fun and just making the wish that I pray for daily made me feel better. I came home with a much better feeling and outlook. It is true that a twenty minute walk outside can truly help one out of a funky mood. Every time I see a dandelion I will never look at it as a weed: to my two year old it is just a wish and seeing through a child’s eye is much healthier than seeing through the eyes of an adult.