Reminder to those with chronic pain: Sadly no one can possibly understand what you are going through unless they have chronic pain as well. There is much ignorance when it comes to chronic pain as it is not understood in both the real world and the medical field. People assume you are fine if you look okay on the outside. Nobody who meets me knows I had brain surgery and have lived in pain since. I look in shape, happy, and seem like the woman who “has it all.”
I have made more mistakes in my life than I can count because of my journey with chronic pain. I have hurt my friends and family but worse I have hurt myself. I could write an entire novel of all the shitty things I have done in my attempt to escape chronic pain. I hated myself for a third of my life. However, I did not have the tools and knowledge to know any better. I just wanted the constant, nagging pain to go the hell away. I never wanted to hurt anyone, much less myself. I was doing the best I could and so are you. You are going to make mistakes along your journey with chronic pain until you come to a point of acceptance and are taught the tools needed to manage your pain. You will not always hate yourself. You will not always be where you are now. The best thing you can do for you is have faith things will get better with or without a cure and know that you are doing the very best you can with the resources you have and the knowledge you have been given.
Be kind to yourself. Please. If nothing else know that you are a good person. Nobody asks to live in constant pain. If I can make it through, anyone can. I believe you and I am here for you. Try and not hate yourself. You were given a bad set of cards and I promise you if you just keep going you will be dealt a different hand when the time is right. Love yourself: best love there is.