Hidden Pain

“She’s got the eyes of innocence. The face of an angel. A personality of a dreamer and a smile that hides more pain than you can ever imagine.”
Unknown

I saw this quote and immediately thought of myself. My nickname growing up was “ange” aka angel, have always been a dreamer and have always believed in miracles, and for many years of my life my smile hid more pain than most people could ever imagine. Prior to my bike accident I had difficulties growing up and would go into school pretending everything was fine at home and I was just like everyone else in my class. I was always the “class clown” partially because I can be pretty funny but also to prove to my teachers and peers that my life was grand. Following my bike accident and brain surgery I was diagnosed with chronic pain and it was very (if ever) real that I could have a genuine smile. Nobody truly knew the pain I was feeling aside from my father and even he did not see me most nights crying myself to sleep. It is quite odd that so many people who have chronic pain are literally hiding how much pain they are in and yet the outside world thinks they are just trying to get attention. To anyone who is a caregiver to one with chronic pain please remember they are probably only showing you half of the pain they are truly in and yes want help but are not trying to get “attention.”

I am a person who has chronic pain, however my smile is now genuine. I will always be a dreamer and I will always believe in miracles. My chronic pain was never cured, however at times I find it quite miraculous that I am able to manage chronic pain naturally and can literally have a smile that is one hundred percent real. I do not even know how to pretend anymore. When I am sad, people know it. When I am angry, it shows. If someone hurts me emotionally they know it the second they see my face. If I am having a difficult day, people who truly know me can see through my smile. However, I am happy. I have chronic pain and yet I am living a life where not only I can be me and joyful but I can spread awareness and hope that anyone can get to the point I have reached. If you have chronic pain, I bet this quote resonates with you in ways it cannot with people without an invisible illness. The one thing I never want you to lose is your personality of a dreamer. Believe in miracles. They happen all the time. I survived brain surgery and am managing chronic pain with zero treatment or medicine. That’s a miracle.

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Hidden Pain

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