“I can’t do this, but I’m doing it anyway.” Anon
Whether you suffer from chronic pain or not how many times in your life have you said: “I can’t do this.” I will be thirty three in a few weeks and I think I have honestly said this statement over five thousand times if not more.
We are truly all fighting battles no one knows anything about. I arrived at an appointment yesterday an hour early and spent about forty five minutes talking with the receptionist about her life. I have “known” this woman for about two years and I thought she was one of the happiest people I had ever come across. She always looks good and her bubbly personality is enough to make anyone feel happy just being in her presence. She has three children and talks about them frequently and has never complained in front of me. Long story short, we started talking yesterday after I randomly asked her if she was married. She proceeded to tell me a heartbreaking story that has not left my mind since yesterday afternoon. This vibrant woman was married for over twenty years and after seven miscarriages was blessed with three children. A few weeks after their twenty first wedding anniversary they separated and have not been together for the past ten years. I asked her kindly: “Are you happier since your divorced?” Her eyes filled up and she said: “No, he was my best friend and my whole world.” Ten years ago, prior to their separation this amazing woman had what she calls a “nervous breakdown” after losing her best friend and her grandmother within the same week. She went to multiple doctors to help her find medication that would help her cope with what she was unable to handle and after six months of suffering voluntarily went into a mental health hospital as she felt it was either that or suicide. In my opinion that took amazing courage and wisdom on her part and I applauded her with her courage to made such a difficult decision. She was there for a month and during this time her husband had an affair and when she was ready to come home there was no one left to pick her up. Her three children felt that she had abandoned her and her husband was in the process of a divorce she knew nothing about. I am sure she said on a daily basis: “I can’t do this!” However, she kept doing it anyways. She found herself a new job, an apartment and spent the next ten years getting her children to see that her decision to get help had nothing to with not loving them: quite the opposite. Her story broke my heart but it only solidified my belief that we truly are all fighting battles the world knows nothing about. Her battle was/is mental illness: depression. My invisible illness is chronic pain. Many of my readers do not have chronic pain but are dealing with life stressors that truly make them say on a daily basis: “I can’t do this.”
If you are reading this: You are doing it! If you have chronic pain and are reading this blog you are among the strongest people in the world. Fact. You will say to yourself often: “I can’t do this. I just cant freaking do this anymore.” However, you will not give up. You cannot give up. Anytime you think about giving up remember my story or contact me. There may not be a way out but I assure you there is always a way through. I had brain surgery, came close to death and have had chronic pain since. I do not take medicine for chronic pain and I am no longer in search of a cure. I still have moments in life where I cry and say: “I can’t do this.” It really does not matter if those words come out of my mouth because clearly I am doing it. Whatever part of your journey you are on with the battle you are facing in life know that you can do this, you are doing this, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Yesterday is history
Tomorrow a mystery
Today is a gift and that is why we call it the present