Yesterday after noon put my management of chronic pain and motherhood to the test. My two year old has been quite the “terror” the past few days and just not the little girl I am used to. Yesterday was definitely no exception to the past few days and honesty put all my hard work to the test until I was able to find humor in a very hectic situation.
Aside from being a full time mom and writer, I nanny an amazing five year old part time. Around two thirty each day my daughter and I pick her up from school and she has honestly become family to me. Do I miss being a social worker at times, of course. However, I am able to be a stay at home mom, practice my chronic pain management in a very healthy way, and help others so in that I find much distraction and joy.
After running many errands with Kayci yesterday, we left to pick up our girl at school. Now that the weather is amazing we are able to pack a daily picnic and head to the playground or on the weekends the pool. My daughter was a hot mess at the playground yesterday: out of control (took me until today to realize the poor girl has horrible allergies and was just acting out because she does not have the words to verbalize what is wrong…much like chronic pain!) After almost two hours at the park, I thought it would be a grand idea to go to our dollar store for the little girl I watch so she could “buy” balloons and a card for her dad, as it was her dad’s birthday. Well, the store was packed and my daughter may or may not have destroyed the store. I was very close to tears as we spent about twenty plus minutes picking out balloons and fixing the store as every customer looked at me as if I was the worst mother in the world. We finally check out with multiple tantrums and tears and reach my car. I get both children in their car seats and take a deep breath. Two seconds later I see not one but all four balloons in the sky. Now I have four balloons on their way to probably hurt some whales and two children balling their eyes out in the back seat. That’s when my tears came. I got both children out and the three of us walked back into the store and picked out four new balloons and waited in the ten minute line. I wanted to scream: “Will someone let me ahead of you!” We finally get to the front of the line and check out, balloons in hand (tightly) and exit the damn store for good. I’m not gonna lie, I did lose one balloon on the walk to the car but three out of four isn’t bad. Once got both kids buckled backed in to their car seats, Kayci decides to throw her beloved binkie out the window. Awesome!!!!! Because I knew she was not herself I literally got into a push up position and crawled under the parked car to get her pink binkie that I am desperately trying to get her to give up (yesterday was not the day.) I sit down in the car and look around me and see people just staring at me like I am nuts. At that point I just started hysterically laughing. In the grand scheme of life none of it was a big deal but juggling motherhood, working, and chronic pain management is freaking hard some days! I decided to just let go and laugh my ass off. People were looking at me like I was crazy anyways and I truly do not care what people think. “Sorry I have a two year old and she isn’t a saint!” Look at me like I’m nuts, I’ll show you nuts.
We ended up home and the little angel I watch was so proud and happy to give her dad balloons and a card that my eyes filled with tears of happiness. I’m very happy I did not lose it and laughed it off or my pain levels may have been super high today. Sometimes ya just gotta laugh at the madness of life and chronic pain.