I have heard hundreds of times if not more that crying is a sign of weakness. I am here to tell all of you that anyone who says that to you is just ignorant and I mean the word ignorance by the exact definition: knowing no better. If crying is a sign of weakness than I am most definitely one of the most weakest people I know. I cry when I’m hurt, angry, and happy. I have people say: “You cry like a little baby.” That used to hurt me a lot but now I know better. I would rather cry my feelings out than hold them in or worse scream out my emotions. Plus, crying can be a huge release and studies clearly state it helps to get it out!
Chronic pain can cause more tears than most of the world knows. I have never cried in my life as I did for the ten years I cried in my search for a cure. I had no answers, no one to turn to, felt helpless, felt crazy, and at times just wanted to end it all. I am very happy where I am in my life. I have not been to a pain doctor in a year. The last time I took anything for pain was last year on my birthday: June 7th. I had an appointment that day with my pain specialist who was going to re fill my prescription for pain medication and even during miscarrying that day I mad a choice to cancel that appointment. I wrote down something that has now been hanging in my room for almost a year this Saturday: “A year from now you will wish you started today.” It will be a year this Saturday and I could not be happier with that quote and choice. It was one of the hardest tests I have ever put myself through. I knew what I had to do for me and knew I could manage pain naturally and told myself I was strong and would get through it one day at a time. That is not to say this year has been easy: quite the opposite. I rarely, if ever talk to my family or friends about my pain but it is still there. I hope they know that when I am acting “rude” or “different” that it is not reflection on them I am just having a difficult day. There are factors in my life happening right now that are causing me more stress and at times sadness that I wish I could change but as of now I cannot. Sometimes emotional pain can truly hurt as much as physical pain. I know for a fact, at least for me chronic pain is far worse long term than emotional pain because I have had both.
I’m sad today and I do not feel comfortable writing the reasons why but I want my readers to know that I am not some “superwoman.” I break sometimes. I do not need to write: “I do not want pity” as most of my readers have chronic pain and I know you understand not wanting pity. But hell yes I cried today, multiple times. Life can be hard. Chronic pain or not, life can knock you down. You just have to always know things will get better because they do. The hard part is the unknown. We fear the unknown. Sometimes we just have to cry it out, find our strength and keep going. At the end of the day we have to trust in the people that stand by us and more importantly be our own cheerleader. Its okay to cry! It is okay to hurt! It is okay to have thoughts of quitting but you have to keep going. I’m not okay today. I am not happy today but I am trying hard to act the way I want to feel. Like the old song says: “Mamma said there would be days like this, there would be days like this momma said.”
I write this often but only because it helps me so much!
“Isn’t it an amazing thought that some of the greatest days of our life haven’t happened yet!”