Prayers for Healing:
“The reality that is present to us and in us: call it Being…Silence. And the simple fact that by being attentive and learning to listen (or recovering the natural capacity to listen) we can find our self engulfed in such happiness that it cannot be explained: the happiness of being at one with everything in that hidden ground of Love for which there can be no explanations. May we all grow in grace and peace, and not neglect the silence that is printed in the centre of our being. It will not fail us.
How often do we spend our time thinking about what to say to someone as the person is talking. We rarely truly listen to people speaking, we listen to what will be the next words to come out of our mouths. I am at fault for this as are many people I know. We are in rush mode and always want to get out words out as quickly as possible. We lose so much in doing this. There is so much to learn from others. If I had not truly listened to my teachers at the Mayo Clinic (whom too had chronic pain) I never would be where I am today.
What could be worse to not listening to others? Listening to ourselves. I have gone against my inner guidance more times than I can count. I have more difficulty silencing my mind than most people I know. I heard a new song on the radio that really sucked but the words stuck with me. The hip hop artist was explaining how he is now forced to drive in his car in silence because his radio has broken. I cannot remember the last time I did anything without music: running, driving, showering, dancing with Kayci, even just walking around the lake. Silence scares me. Silence gives me the opportunity to think about the things I do not want to think about. The only time I find silence is when I am in meditation. Often times as of late I find myself awaking in the middle of the night (usually because of my two year old who is suffering from allergies and molars coming through) and am scared of the silence.
I think the hardest struggle in life is to silence the mind and I have a very long way to go. It may take many years but I will get there. I have come a long way in silencing my thoughts on pain but those thoughts still creep in. I am still consumed with thoughts that scare the living hell out of me and I know they are rarely rational and I know they are detrimental to my health and well being.
The second hardest thing I think is self-love. I do truly believe it is impossible to truly love and give your world to someone if you do not love yourself. I struggle with self love way too often. I still go through times where I think: “Oh, if this person doesn’t love me or show me love the way I want them too, maybe something is wrong with me.” Then I wake up.
If I am ever able to conquer silencing my mind for more than a hot second and practice self love consistently I will be much further along in my journey as a person with chronic pain and just a human being doing the best she can.
I send you all light, energy, and strength. Life is a journey of ups and downs, highs and lows. Remember that you are awesome and have so much to give in this world. It takes a lot of silencing of the mind and self love to see that.