“Everyone should smile. Life really isn’t that serious, we make it hard. The sun rises. The sun sets. We just tend to complicate the process.”
I have had this quote saved on my computer for a couple weeks now unsure if should use it or just throw it away. Clearly, I have chosen to use it. I do not believe the person who first said this was in a horrible place with any disease, such as chronic pain. With that said, there is a lot of truth to this statement. We seem to really complicate our lives for no reason at all. Most of us spend a lot of valuable time thinking negatively, worrying, or thinking into the future. I am a culprit, always have been. In the past and even now I make things in my life so much harder than they need to be. I overthink everything, worry about if I am doing things right, and continually think about my life choices. I know many people who do the same exact thing on a daily basis. Then we get to an older age and when we look back, we may think: “Shit I wasted so much of my happiness on fear and expectations. I could have been happy. Things were never that bad and I wasted so much of my life by complicating things.”
I used to see a therapist who specialized in holistic outlets for help and chronic pain. I wish therapists were not as expensive as they tend to be because I truly believe every person I know and love should have someone to talk to that is educated on specific issues and is someone outside of your life. This person taught me so much and I will definitely see her again. She was a huge part of my life for over five years. she taught me more in an hour than any school teacher taught me in a year. I used to always have chaos in my life, most was from when I was truly suffering from chronic pain. However, even once I got chronic pain under control I complicated my life to no end with chaos. It was almost as if I could not help it. During one of my sessions with my therapist she brought up the word chaos. I have zero clue what was wrong in my life at that time but I do remember it was brought on by my mind and later my actions. Her theory (which I 100 percent agree with) was that all I have ever known in my life is chaos. I had a difficult childhood in which I was around chaos a lot of the time and felt abandoned more times than I can remember. During my formative years in this world all I knew was chaos. Therefore, when things are calm and okay with my life I feel uncomfortable. This is not the norm for me. I do not blame anyone in my life for my issues. As Louise Hay once said: “We are all victims of victims.” The ironic thing is that I love peace and simplicity. I have the simplicity thing down pat, but peace is truly a roller coaster of work for me. I do not want to live in chaos. Chaos makes my chronic pain worse and defeats so much of what I have spent years on working towards. Logic and the mind sometimes just have no idea how to get along. The ego is at war with us while our souls are fighting for peace and happiness.
We make life so much more difficult than it has to be. For everyone who is in their darkest hours of chronic pain and pretty much living in hell, you have to put your health first. Until I was able to get my chronic pain under control I could not have the things I dreamt my whole life of having. It is okay to be selfish: You have to be when you are in this state. You do not need to get the best grades, or make the coolest friends, or strive to make more money. How do any of these things matter if you are suffering and miserable. Try and not wait as long as I did to get your chronic pain under control.
I truly do not want to complicate the process of my life anymore but it is going to take a lot of time. Some days my mind and soul are in battle and it is up to me to help out my soul and get out of my head. Overthinking always leads to negative thoughts. We all have things in our lives we need to work on (chronic pain or no chronic pain) this is exactly what I truly need to start working harder at. We all do, especially those with chronic pain.