“You don’t know pain until you’re staring at yourself in the mirror with tears streaming down your face and you’re begging yourself to just hold on and be strong.  That is pain.”


Most people who read my blog or know me well think that I have dropped off the face of the Earth.  Sometimes life knocks you down so badly it takes everything you have to just breathe and take one second at a time.  That is true for every one of us: chronic pain or no chronic pain.  I forgot the true measure of emotional and physical pain until the past few weeks and have learned some of the hardest lessons in my lifetime.  I have not isolated myself from my readers or anyone in my world, I truly have had to use any energy I had to focus on my daughter and family.  Unfortunately, because of recent life circumstances, I have not practiced what I preach regarding managing chronic pain.  I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would never take anything for my chronic pain and that is something I have and always will stay true to.  However, all of the tools I do utilize in my management of chronic pain naturally went totally out of the window for a good two weeks: exercise, sleep, nutrition, meditation, mindfulness, writing, yoga and distractions bam: gone.  If I needed to test how much I need all of those tools to manage chronic pain to see if they worked I passed.  I forgot how awful pain is: physical and emotional.  I am more empathetic now to everyone who reads my blog than I ever have been since beginning sharing my journey with chronic pain. 

I am not writing this post for sympathy or pity as really no one truly desires those things with chronic pain, I am writing this post to share my recent experience with pain.  There is no need to go into details about what has transpired in the past few weeks.  However, through tough times one truly realizes what is important and what is not.  I refuse to allow anything that has occurred to not teach me lessons and open my eyes to what I need to truly see.  Yesterday, I got back to using some of my chronic pain tools because if I do not get that under control, I will not be able to function and do what I need to do for myself and my family.  The past few days I have done yoga and exercised and got back to juicing and slowly am easing my way back into everything else I use for managing chronic pain naturally.  I always say: one day at a time.  Well, now I mean it more than ever.  I have never needed much to be happy aside from my health, and happiness and now more than ever I appreciate the littlest things possible and truly know how I manage chronic pain works. 

People in your life or outside of your life may never know what you have gone through or what you are currently going through.  Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about: be kind.   Invisible pain whether that be: physical or emotional is the most difficult pain to be felt.  No one can truly understand your pain but you.  One of my biggest fears in life is a fear of abandonment.  I truly do not want any of you to feel I abandoned you when you needed help.  I have not intentionally ignored any of you: I truly have had to put any energy and focus I could measure into taking care of my daughter and family.  I will never stop writing or helping those with chronic pain or any invisible illness.  That I can promise all of you.  Things have a way or working themselves out and in the darkest storms when you can truly see no light you must pull any strength and will power you have to know that the clouds will break and the light will shine through.  Just breathe.

“In three words I can sum up everything I have learned in life: It Goes On.”

Robert Frost




5 thoughts on “Pain

  1. WellNowUniverse says:

    Nobody here would ever judge you for doing what you have to do to get by we all understand, all of it, in its entirety, without qualification, without details or any need to explain yourself. We KNOW pain xx

  2. Take care of yourself first, or you can’t help others. There’s a reason they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others (on a plane). I feel for you with whatever you’ve gone through in the last few weeks. I think sometimes those of us who have found good coping skills take them for granted, and it takes these types of situations to bring back to us exactly why we use them. I know I’ve been missing some of my own tools lately and I will be glad to return to them shortly. So, thank you for the reminder.

  3. Sam says:

    Ditto -wellnowuniverse, Julie Ryan, & Sian, since what u three have mentioned are some of my own sentiments as well. I was really worried for you Jess b/c I know how dedicated you are to helping others and knowing that I was concerned about what was happening that kept u away for so long but of course you first need to be strong and taking care of yourself in order to help others. Also I think I speak for many when I say I really admire and care for you as a person Jess and want you to be as healthy and happy as possible. I hope things are starting to get better for you and please, please let me know if there is anything I can do to help besides sending u many prayers and good thoughts to you and your family. I so appreciate all the help your posts and your emails have given me and would do anything I could to assist u in any way. I will continue to send many prayers and good thoughts to you and your family and hope you know that although I really am encouraged and helped by your posts and emails more than anything I want you and your family to be happy and healthy yourselves.
    With the utmost sincerity,
    Your friend, sam

  4. Linny says:

    i love you and am proud of you. remember, it’s not what happens to you in life, it’s how you handle it. you will prevail and it will get easier… again. keep your head up sissy, you have SO much support and love around you! xoxo

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