Blaming Yourself for Chronic Pain: STOP

Self Compassion

Not judging yourself or allowing others to judge you–not blaming yourself–getting to know and accept yourself–loving yourself –helping yourself–overcoming insecurities–respecting yourself and protecting yourself.

Just yesterday I received a question that I knew needed to be a topic for a post.  The question was: “How did you stop blaming yourself for having chronic pain?” I am not sure I ever did blame myself for having chronic pain as logically I knew it was not my fault.  No one asks for chronic pain or any invisible illness.  Do I wish I had been wearing a helmet the day I fell of my bike: yes.  Do I wish I never had brain surgery: of course.  Has chronic pain completely changed my life: yes, how could it not?!  Thinking back to the past and present I do not believe I ever blamed myself for my condition.  However, I always had a sense of guilt and literally hated my body physically for the pain and emotionally for the pain for a great portion of my life.  I felt guilty for my loved ones as they had ” to deal” with a person who was in pain constantly and had zero clue how to stop it.  I hated my life so much due to being in constant pain that I turned into a very miserable, angry person who blamed herself for her actions and thoughts but not for the bike accident or subsequent brain surgery and life with chronic pain. 

I understand completely why people blame themselves for any disease especially an invisible disease such as chronic pain.  Even depression and anxiety are more accepted and understood in our society because it is much more common and sadly very understood by many people all over the world.  Chronic pain: not so much.  Chronic pain comes with depression, anxiety, loneliness, and a total loss of any quality of life.  Is that not enough to put on yourself?  Why add blame to the long ass list of difficulties chronic pain gives you?  If a loved one was diagnosed with Cancer would you ever blame them for their diagnosis and change of life?  Of course not, so stop blaming yourself for being handed one of the hardest hands in life a person can possible handle.  Give yourself encouragement and self love for knowing you are one of the strongest people in the world. 

This has been a really difficult month and I have allowed chronic pain to totally get the best of me and am working hard to get it back under control.  No surprise, I got a sinus infection because my immunities were completely down and I stress causes more ailments than anything else one faces.  Despite the sinus infection I am still focusing on getting chronic pain under control and getting back to myself.  My two year old has never seen me so un active.  I am trying to get rid of this sinus infection and get chronic pain under control and it is forcing me to rest much more than my little girl is used to.  She is not used to being inside the house as we are always doing things outside: always.  So I understand once again feeling guilty for letting chronic pain get out of control and being sick.  Logically, I know she is okay and in a couple days we will be back to our usual, happy routine but all of this is a huge reminder of how most of my readers feel non stop.  If nothing else, it has made me remember more than ever how a lot of you are feeling and I want you to truly hear me: I get it.  You are not alone and your life will come back to you: when I do not know but I have complete faith that it will or I would not be sharing my life story with the world.  If you do nothing else today, work on not blaming yourself for having chronic pain.  That is just ridiculous and if you want a better life start unpacking your huge suitcase full of negative thoughts.  Take blame out of that suitcase now.  It has no place in your life. 



5 thoughts on “Blaming Yourself for Chronic Pain: STOP

  1. Sam says:

    I understand this question about blaming yourself for chronic pain all to well. It doesn’t seem rational and isn’t logical but that doesn’t always matter w/ guilt. Obviously u shouldn’t blame yourself for ending up w/ chronic pain but somehow it can still be an issue for me as well (10yrs of CP) and especially if when having a lot of pain physically or emotionally. Honestly the best advice I could give someone is to follow this blog. Jess has been a great deal of help to me and her story is inspiring and let’s me see myself happy even though most likely I’ll have CP for the rest of my life. Knowing there’s other ppl out there that understand u and can empathize w/ out being judgemental helps as well. Find as many ppl in your life as u can that see u for ur strength & good qualities. Good luck.

  2. I blamed myself for years, was constantly thinking that I must have done something to cause this, that if I had done something differently this may not have happened to me, that I must have done something really bad to get handed this horrible chronic pain deal. It’s hard to let go of those thoughts especially when they were consuming my mind so much. I’ve pretty much let go of those thoughts now and accepted my situation and trying not to continue to over think things like I use to, it’s pretty hard. My brain was hard wired to think worse case scenario and to over think every single little thing to do with my pain so it’s hard to change that and it’s definitely a process.
    A sinus infection is definitely not what you need right now when you are trying to get back on track, I hope it clears soon and you can get back on track with managing your pain naturally and get more active again. 🙂

  3. I am guilty of guilt. I don’t blame myself, although there were times that I did, for my illness. There were many times where I thought I deserved it or had brought it on myself by the choices I’ve made in my life. But, I didn’t. That said, I still deal with a lot of guilt (not because I blame myself) but because I feel guilty about what I’m missing and how my illness affects others. Of course, there’s also the chronic guilt that we aren’t doing enough to feel better. I’ve read that in your posts lately. Stuff happens, you are doing what you can to get back on track, so please don’t feel guilty. Hugs. You’ll get there.

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