“Never say anything about yourself you do not want to come true.”
Self love is one of the most important things I want to teach my daughter. I want to instill loving herself into her mind so hard that no one can ever make her feel inferior without her consent. I am thirty three and still think negatively about myself and my life way too often. For ten years all I said to myself was: “Jessica, your life is over. You will be in constant pain the rest of your life and nothing good will ever happen because of your invisible illness.” I no longer allow pain to control my world and rarely, if ever have thoughts like that but I am human and I would be lying if I said I never wanted to punch chronic pain in the ass. However, I have accepted chronic pain and found ways to make me stronger, healthier, and more empathetic than I ever would have been had I not fallen off my bike.
Like most people, at times I start thinking and saying very negative things about myself and my life. The more I say them and internalize these negative thoughts the more they come true. Our thoughts truly do dictate our reality. It is so easy to say: change your thoughts and your life will change. I know from life and experience that things always work out and the more I think positively and the more I practice gratitude, more amazing things will happen in my life. This is so much easier said than done, especially when you start learning and practicing self love in your late twenties/early thirties. For most of my life I only thought negatively, mostly due to chronic pain but there were other factors in my life that made it hard to see the light. I do not believe I was ever taught self love. No one is to blame for the lack of these lessons because we truly are all victims of victims and can only teach what we know. Now after thirty years of ,I am re-wiring my brain to think only good thoughts, love myself, think positively, and not allow my ego to get in the way of the truth. That is a tall order! I am constantly hard on myself for not practicing what I preach regarding self love/gratitude/and negative thinking but this is not easy. I spent my life doing close to the opposite and now my mind and my ego are at war with one another. My ego has always won (except when I learned to accept chronic pain and manage it naturally.) However, it has been in first place in my journey on this planet. The ego is one tough cookie, let me tell ya! Not to quote Frozen but I do need to: “Let it Go.” Sorry, that song is now going to be stuck in all of your heads for the next forty-eight hours or more. It took me years to learn to manage pain naturally and it is going to take me years to truly love myself and think only positive thoughts. That is okay I think. There is nothing harder than working on our minds. It took a long time to train my brain to not think about pain and it may take even longer to lego of my ego but it can be done. I am definitely putting this quote on my inspiration station wall: “Never say anything to yourself, you do not want to come true.” For today my goal is to continually say what I want and stop focusing on all the things I do not want. Try it, we are all in this journey together.