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The Tunnel of Life

“The light at the end of the tunnel is not an illusion.  The tunnel is.”

Anon

So many of us face life altering challenges throughout our lives that leave us feeling defeated and hopeless.  We lose loved ones, we lose our jobs, people face divorce, death, and illnesses with no cure.  My blog is devoted to helping people see the light  at the end of the tunnel who are faced with chronic pain.  After my bike accident that resulted in brain surgery and chronic pain I did not see any hope or light in my future.  I had never felt more alone in my life as chronic pain is one of the most misunderstood, untreatable diseases there are.  My chronic pain started getting unbearable around the age of seventeen and I spent years searching for a cure or some kind of relief.  I literally tried everything.  I am sure so many of you with chronic pain have heard someone say: “Oh, have you tried this?  I heard this or that can really help.”  It would probably take me an entire day to make a list of everything I tried to cure my chronic pain.  I went as far as to have nerve endings cut off in my face while awake: not once, not twice, but three times.  Three times the charm was not in the cards.  My life revolved around curing my pain and I was the most depressed, hopeless, lonely person in the world.  I really did spend at least two days (if not more) in a different doctor office or some kind of specialist who told me they had the cure for the invisible illness my brain surgery left me with.  You start to lose hope and I definitely did not see any light at the end of the tunnel.  I was too blinded by the tunnel to see any light.  The tunnel was the illusion as I did make it through and found a life that made me happy despite chronic pain.  In a way, I made it.  I learned how to manage chronic pain naturally and not be the focus of my life.  That is not to say the pain is not there, it just no longer controls my life. 

I have come to an age that I truly do see that everything works out in its own time and place.  Having a life threatening bike accident that almost took my life and left me with chronic pain made me a strong person.  I do not appear strong to people who do not know my story as I am a very emotional person.  I get hurt easily and I can cry way too easily.  When I am having a “difficult day” regarding chronic pain I may come off as a bitchy, angry girl but really I am just struggling with my invisible illness.  It still gets the best of me at times, how could it not?  I have faced many life challenges since learning to manage chronic pain naturally that if had happened many years ago would have left me hopeless but I always know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  I am thirty three years old and when awful things happen I may become depressed and hopeless for a few days but I always know things will work out: not usually how I planned but they just do.  If I can live a life with chronic pain and still find joy and happiness, I can get through anything.  So many of us say on a daily basis: “My life will never get better.  I cannot believe this has happened.  I will never get through this.”  However, most of us do.  We all can if open our eyes in the tunnel of pain.  Life can be really hard but it is also quite short.  My two year old teaches me daily just how quickly life goes.  Two weeks ago she was having trouble forming a sentence, yesterday she woke me up saying: “I love you Ma Ma.  Can we go play?”  Over night she turned into a real person and every day she does or learns something new that leaves me shocked.  It is scary at times and I just want time to stop because she is growing up so quickly.  She will face pain and life challenges and I will always be there to support her and be her biggest cheerleader but more than that I will teach her that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.  Everything really does work out if we let go and allow life to unfold as it should.  Worrying will never change the outcome. 

When I saw this image and quote it took my breath away.  I have had it for a week and just had to sit with it because it really is deep and amazing.  I am living proof that one can live the life they want despite chronic pain.  I am living proof that there is a light at the end of the tunnel for everyone who has chronic pain.   I am writing this blog because it is something I wish had been there for me when I was in the darkness of chronic pain.  I have been where many of you are now and possible worse but I somehow with a lot of work got through the tunnel and am living a life that chronic pain can never control again.

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