“So often we try to make other people feel better by minimizing their pain, by telling them that it will get better (which it will) or that there are worse things in the world (which there are.) But that’s not what I actually needed. What I actually needed was for someone to tell me that it hurt because it mattered. I have found this very helpful to think about over the years, and I find that it is a lot easier and more bearable to be sad when you aren’t constantly beating yourself up for being sad.”
Feelings come and feelings go. Someone very close to my heart said to me recently: “I feel guilty for being so upset about chronic pain when so many others have it worse.” I used to feel the same way because there are many that have it worse. When a mom at a store is furious because her I Phone doesn’t work I always mumble: “First world problems.” However, you should never ever feel any guilt for your feelings. You are you and you have no idea how others feel nor is it your business. Saying I should not be sad because someone has it worse is like saying I should not be happy because someone has more than I do. Its pure insanity.
Chronic pain comes with anxiety and depression. Find me one person who has chronic pain who has not had depression. I am one hundred percent certain you will not find this person: I’ll bet my blog on it. It is okay to be sad. It is okay to cry. It is okay to feel your feelings and not obsess over why you feel the way you do. Let yourself feel those feelings and know that they will leave as all feelings do and will most likely return at a later date. Its so exhausting beating yourself up. I still do it. Why? You and I have to be our biggest fans. Other’s may and probably will hurt you: don’t hurt yourself.
With all that said, I do not want any of you laying around crying and feeling sorry for yourself for weeks which turn into months and than years. Learn from my mistakes regarding chronic pain. You do have the power to change your life, you just have to hit a point where you know you have had enough and deserve health and happiness. Beating yourself up is beyond self destructive and none of us deserve to be treated like crap. You are your biggest enemy, no one else. You and I think it is others but in reality we create our own chaos. Focus on you and allow your feelings to come and go as they will. It is okay! You are lucky in the fact that you are not alone. I know more about chronic pain than anyone I have ever met. I am here for you but you need to stop hating yourself. The Universe hears everything you say and if you continue to beat yourself up, things will only get worse. Hell, I was so sad for a moment yesterday I punched my pillows hard, wrote in my journal, cried, and then twenty minutes later was having a Mario Cart tournament with three kids, laughing my ass off.
We are all more alike than different. All of us.