Support for Chronic Pain

Stop Beating Yourself Up!

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“So often we try to make other people feel better by minimizing their pain, by telling them that it will get better (which it will) or that there are worse things in the world (which there are.) But that’s not what I actually needed.  What I actually needed was for someone to tell me that it hurt because it mattered.  I have found this very helpful to think about over the years, and I find that it is a lot easier and more bearable to be sad when you aren’t constantly beating yourself up for being sad.”

John Green

Feelings come and feelings go.  Someone very close to my heart said to me recently: “I feel guilty for being so upset about chronic pain when so many others have it worse.”  I used to feel the same way because there are many that have it worse.  When a mom at a store is furious because her I Phone doesn’t work I always mumble: “First world problems.”  However, you should never ever feel any guilt for your feelings.  You are you and you have no idea how others feel nor is it your business.  Saying I should not be sad because someone has it worse is like saying I should not be happy because someone has more than I do.  Its pure insanity.

Chronic pain comes with anxiety and depression.  Find me one person who has chronic pain who has not had depression.  I am one hundred percent certain you will not find this person: I’ll bet my blog on it.  It is okay to be sad.  It is okay to cry.  It is okay to feel your feelings and not obsess over why you feel the way you do.  Let yourself feel those feelings and know that they will leave as all feelings do and will most likely return at a later date.  Its so exhausting beating yourself up.  I still do it.  Why?  You and I have to be our biggest fans.  Other’s may and probably will hurt you: don’t hurt yourself.

With all that said, I do not want any of you laying around crying and feeling sorry for yourself for weeks which turn into months and than years.  Learn from my mistakes regarding chronic pain.  You do have the power to change your life, you just have to hit a point where you know you have had enough and deserve health and happiness.  Beating yourself up is beyond self destructive and none of us deserve to be treated like crap.  You are your biggest enemy, no one else.  You and I think it is others but in reality we create our own chaos.  Focus on you and allow your feelings to come and go as they will.  It is okay!  You are lucky in the fact that you are not alone.  I know more about chronic pain than anyone I have ever met.  I am here for you but you need to stop hating yourself.  The Universe hears everything you say and if you continue to beat yourself up, things will only get worse.  Hell, I was so sad for a moment yesterday I punched my pillows hard, wrote in my journal, cried, and then twenty minutes later was having a Mario Cart tournament with three kids, laughing my ass off.

We are all more alike than different.  All of us.


9 thoughts on “Stop Beating Yourself Up!

  1. Always such great posts from you. Have you thought about becoming a motivational speaker/ coach? You would be great at it! This post will be the source for my Sunday Inspiration this week.

  2. Totally love your posts- have always been a great fan of them- you are so eloquent, inspirational as well as just a fantabulous fellow chronic pain warrior, truly! Just need to say this though- have never had depression though have had/still have chronic pain moderate severe constantly(with many episodes of it being so severe have been bed bound too) and have had chronic pain now for 2 decades- so whilst have had moments when have felt sadness/frustrations as am not a robot albeit a rusty one- have not been clinically depressed or felt low for other than a very short space of time-just am a feisty resilient batgirl ;-)- though do think am pretty rare/unusual! Though just had to say that you can have chronic pain without getting depressed as am living proof of this! Am an optimist though a down to earth one as well as a realist! Not judging anyone else either as am an empath with great empathy for others! Just wanted to put the records straight that was all. That all being said- absolutely adore your blog posts and have shared many of them as links over on MDJunction where am one of the group leaders of Fibromyalgia & Me SG & Chronic Pain SG! Keep posting your phenomenally good posts- always a joy to read them!
    Wishing you all the very best on your chronic pain journey, namaste Clara(username on mdj Clarita) 🙂

    • You made my day! What a very kind, amazing comment to make. Thank you for taking the time to read my posts and more so for commenting. Your words mean the world to me and make me know that I am on the right path on my posts! Thank you also for sharing my posts!!!!! xoxoxoxoxoxo

  3. Jessica, You are making a wonderful difference to so many people’s lives plus your blog is a wonderful breath of fresh air, truly! As a group leader on3 health support online groups on MDJunction am always on the lookout for enabling/positive/inspirational/dynamic posts from chronic pain Warriors yet ones that keep it real simultaneously – your posts do exactly that- so have shared links to many of your posts plus many from all countries have been touched by your posts, absolutely!! Am British as well as from the UK- rarely say the word ‘I’ as you have probably noticed as partly am eccentric plus also prefer to say the word You first anyhow- like to reach out to others! You are so on the right path with your posts- wish there were more people like You to be honest with You!! Thank You for being You as well as for being a regular blogger! Your kid Kayci is super cute, too :-)! Could not have children naturally or any way(sadly) though really wanted them it just was not meant to be plus am far too health challenged to be able to adopt either – yet the universe had other plans for me so have accepted this plus flowed with it. Sure, there are times when feel a little sad- mourn the loss of the lives could not bring into the world- sad yet not despairing- it is small moments of sadness then soon move on again! You can feel deeply as well as cry with pains or cry with a heavy heart for all kinds of life challenges yet not every get depressed- it is just being human. Do see myself as extraordinarily resilient plus try to help others to be more resilient in my own small way. Both my life challenge of being a barren womb woman as well as my moderate severe health challenges has helped me to be more empathic to others, fostered my creative side, have become more philosophical, have nurtured my sense of humour, made me a deeper person, made me more resilient, plus has taught me how to soar no matter how sore, and, also strangely enough like me plus my appreaciate my life so much more since chronic pain than ever did when was fit healthy 2 decades ago! If you get a moment please check out and the groups Fibromyalgia & Me Support Group, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome SG, &, Chronic Pain SG, okay. My fellow group leaders/musketeers are awesome, too!! My avatar is a bat- love bats as like a bat am very short sighted, hold on tightly no matter what, often need to hide out in a dark cave(dark room) when have a migraine attack, am sociable as bats are yet also need my space- am an ambivert bat, and am unique, and also like bats am also misunderstood as are my health conditions too! Feel so honoured that you replied to me just now, absolutely do! Feel if we lived close by we could be good friends as in many ways feel we are on a similar wavelength :-)! Sending warmest wishes, good karma vibes as well as dolphin smiles across the miles to You from here in Devon in the UK to You in your part of the world, love Clara 🙂 xoxooxox
    Much kudos to You, most definitely!! Salute You Jessica

  4. This is a really beautiful sentiment. I never get on with that “other people have it worse idea.” I mean is that one person in the world who actually has it worse than everyone the only person who has a right to be upset?

    Pain and suffering are subjective.

    We can definitely be too hard on ourselves. I write an article for Prohealth about being kind to yourself (you own best friend rather than your own worst enemy) but you make an excellent point here that it’s ok to cry, it’s ok to be upset, in fact it’s normal. You just don’t have to abandon all hope and leave yourself there.

    Thank you for writing this 🙂

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